How To Go To a Sex Party

Get ready to ditch your bros—and your clothes—this weekend.

At some point in a young man’s life, his interests turn from bowling parties to sex parties. Both involve sticking your fingers into something, but one is a lot more elusive than the other. Real-life swinger couple and fetish party hosts Raul Estrella “Squirtman” and Natasha Starr clue you in to what really happens once the pants come off.

Photo by Eric Ray Davidson

How To Score An Invite

The first thing you should know before typing “Where the sex parties at?” into Google is that the people in that community call them “swinger” or “fetish” parties. “Once your key words are correct, many sites will pop up,” says Starr. “Miss Lola’s House, Sexxy Mofo, and Kasidie are my favorites.”

But here’s the catch: It turns out a guy attending a sex party alone is just as creepy as a guy partying anywhere by himself. Most of these adult-only events are for couples, though there are exceptions. “A few groups, like ‘NY Swingers Parties,’ specialize in throwing events for women who like to be gangbanged,” explains Estrella. “They’ll limit how many come in to ensure a good ratio of guys to girls.”

Starr goes, ahem, deeper. “There are a few Yahoo groups where swingers and lifestyle people can meet, which will give you the chance to connect with a kinky lady.” If you say you’re coming as a couple, some of the higher-end clubs may even ask you to send pictures for approval, just to ensure that you’re not paying a girl to go with you. And, hey, if the only person who’s game to accompany you is your office golf buddy, there’s nothing that a wig and a little lip gloss can’t fix!

Also, don’t worry about missing these fetish fests if you have to go visit your parents one weekend. Even in smaller cities, you can find a party at least once a month if you do your homework. NASCA International, an association of services related to the swingers community, maintains a database of X-rated happenings in every state and around the world. So whether you’re in Kansas or New Zealand, there’s something—and someone—to do.

You’re in. Now what?

Most parties play out like a visit to any nightclub, with the only big difference being that there’s a private area for sex. “The dance floor is also way friendlier,” says Starr. “We call it the Touchy-Feely Club.” That’s also what our creepy uncle calls his basement.

Be aware that there are a few golden rules: no pictures or recordings, ever, and respect the ladies, because they’re the ones in charge. “Women start all the play, even when it’s between couples,” explains Estrella. Finally, the pressure is off of you!

In terms of the dress code, girls are encouraged to dress as sexy as possible. “Short dresses with no panties, fetish wear, leather and lace are all great,” says Starr. “Men should go for nice jeans, a button-down shirt, and a pair of dress shoes,” adds Estrella. But don’t bother putting too much thought into it—it’s all going to come off, anyway.

When it comes to the action, the hosts are usually the icebreakers. “We’ll start playing with each other in the main room, then invite a couple into the private rooms with us,” says Starr. What’s in those boink rooms? Supersize beds, sex swings, showers, and even hot tubs.

Sometimes things get even freakier. “We attended a lady’s 40th birthday party where she wanted to have sex with 40 guys,” says Starr. “And BDSM nights with whips and chains get wild.” Starr also recalled her and Estrella’s joint bachelorette/bachelor party.

“It was all real swingers, not porn stars, in a hotel suite. We filmed it and put it up on our Web site,” she says. “But that’s nothing exceptional. What’s crazy to some is normal to others.” We can only imagine what their honeymoon was like.

Need more sexy advice? Who doesn’t!? Check out Are You Addicted to Masturbation? and What Do Girls Like About Porn?