How To Have Fan Fiction Sex
Submit to your girlfriend’s guilty pop-culture pleasures and she may just pencil you in for some crazy sex sessions.
Submit to your girlfriend’s guilty pop-culture pleasures and she may just pencil you in for some crazy sex sessions.
Just because the final installment of Twilight is upon us, don’t think that signals the end of your girlfriend’s fascination with soft-core entertainment. Given that the Twilight books’ fan-fiction spin-off Fifty Shades of Grey has sold more than 40 million copies worldwide, all signs indicate you’ll find plenty more of her guilty pleasures to roll your eyes over. While you might be tempted to laugh off these films, books, and TV shows as incredibly cheesy, ladies are here to tell you that they can actually be the Giving Tree of Sex. “Reading the kinky sexploits in Fifty Shades of Grey made me want to try all kinds of new, crazy things between the sheets,” says Alice,* 26. Here’s how to turn those steamy fiction scenes into a raunchy bedroom reality.
Put The “F” In Fiction
Just like 30 seconds of porn gets your engine going, an hour of sexy storytelling is enough to lift your lady’s libido. “I often recommend erotic literature or videos for my clients who need a boost sexually,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage. For women, once the imagination starts flowing, physical arousal soon follows. “I know it’s a silly prime-time soap opera, but watching the sexual chemistry between Chuck and Blair on Gossip Girl brought the heat back into my long-term relationship,” admits Sandy, 25. “Seeing two attractive characters who can’t get enough of each other, even when their romance is forbidden, has me yearning for my man the way I did during the first months of our relationship. I’ve found myself anxious for an episode to end so I can pounce on him!”
With a bedroom payoff in mind, be the doting boyfriend and remember to DVR the CW shows your girlfriend asks you to. “When my ex would make fun of me for watching Vampire Diaries, I’d get resentful,” Sara, 29, explains. “I’d be like, ‘Fine, I’ll go masturbate to the thought of vampires, and you get nothing.’ Now my current boyfriend and I watch True Blood—what I call the hardcore version of Twilight and Vampire Diaries—together to get us in the mood.” Guys should see that sometimes both partners can benefit from a boost, so don’t scoff at enjoying these things together. Rub your girl’s thigh during a steamy sex scene in True Blood or kiss her neck when you catch her engrossed in an erotic novel. Or take a cue from Alice and ratchet it up a notch: “I’ve read passages of Fifty Shades out loud for my boyfriend while he was going down on me.”
Put Your Bookmark Here, Big Boy
Remember that shows and books like Vampire Diaries and Fifty Shades of Grey can be gateway drugs to the hard stuff. “I’m a fan of more intense erotic fiction, so I stick to the Exotika genre published by Ellora’s Cave,” shares Casey, 22. “Those books have scenes that involve even more taboo forms of sex, like double penetration. They can turn anyone on…even my boyfriend.” So ask your girl to read an excerpt. The raunchy exploits described in these books may make her eager to push her own boundaries. “My fiancé and I started with just a blindfold to allow me to lose myself in the moment,” says Karina, 30. “But within a month we had tried everything from nipple clamps to butt beads.”
And don’t think you and your girl would be the only ones “experimenting.” The fact that sex stores across the country are selling out of their most X-rated props at lightning speed isn’t a coincidence. “We’ve had increased sales in whips and bondage items. And Ben Wa balls—small balls inserted into the vagina to tease—are completely out of stock,” says Francesca, an employee at the Romantic Depot in Paramus, New Jersey.
“Nine out of 10 customers are getting them because of Fifty Shades of Grey.” Once you have an idea of what your girlfriend wants to try, pick up a few items. If you’re uncomfortable going into a sex store without her, just take a trip to Home Depot and buy some rope!
Next-Level Freakiness
Instead of cliché role-playing scenarios, take a cue from the characters and be inspired by something slightly more imaginative than “teacher and naughty schoolgirl.” Sure, guys can feel slightly threatened by the fact that they might not be able to screw like a sparkly vampire, but that’s the wrong way to look at it. “Instead of thinking you’re getting replaced by Chuck Bass or Christian Grey, look at her guilty pleasures as an opportunity to seriously turn her on by role-playing,” explains Natasha Burton, a relationship expert and coauthor of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags. And don’t worry about memorizing dialogue; something as simple as wearing a similar wardrobe item can be enough. “When my boyfriend asked why there was a silver tie on the Fifty Shades cover, I explained that it factors into a really hot sex scene,” says Brianne, 28. “A few days later he came home from work in the same tie, and we used it to bind my wrists, like in the book.”
Keep in mind that some girls would rather skip the props and role-playing in favor of a simple but rough romp. Many ladies may have gotten butterflies in their stomachs watching Edward and Bella’s passionate kiss in the first Twilight film, but it was the couple’s bed-breaking wedding-night sex that really turned them on.
“Of course it’s romantic that Edward abstains from having sex with Bella because he’s scared he’ll hurt her, but watching him give in to his primal desires is super hot,” says Zoe, 23. “That night when I was in bed with my boyfriend, I told him I wanted him to devour me, bite my neck, smack my ass, pull my hair…and I ended up insanely satisfied.”
In short: If you dismiss her guilty pop-culture pleasures, you may just be mocking your way out of some otherworldly sex.
Photos by Eric Ray Davidson | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
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