Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson has probably received some iteration of the question “how do people have sex in space [insert Beevis and Butthead laugh here]?” several times a week since he launched StarTalk. But this week, Tyson, God bless him, took it upon himself to answer your very horny question.
For starters, it might just be completely run-of-the-mill boning. If you’re in a rotating space station, you can have any fraction of gravity you want — even 1G, which is equivalent to the Earth’s gravity. You could be floating thousands of feet above your house and still be able to send a “u up?” text to someone (note: they need to be in the same space shuttle you’re in; follow-up note: do they have texting in space?) and do it like you usually do.
But if you’re weightless “everything is different if you’re having sex,” Tyson explains. “You need things like straps. There are probably some people who are fully equipped for this anyways.”
If you don’t have anything to secure you, you’d just keep hitting your partner and bouncing off them. And while it’s hilarious to picture two naked people repeatedly bouncing their heavenly bodies off each other, a dong just flapping away, it’s ultimately not very satisfying.
“Bring a lot of leather belts to keep things strapped down and you’ll be just fine,” Tyson concluded.
Assuming you have what it takes to become an astronaut, this could be one small step for man, one giant leap for your manhood.