Jeff Beacher’s Guide to 24 Hours in Vegas

The founder of the infamous Beacher’s Madhouse offers tips on where to go and what to do on a single day in Sin City.

The founder of the infamous Beacher’s Madhouse – which officially opens in Vegas on Valentine’s Weekend – offers tips on where to go and what to do on a single day in Sin City.

Arrive in Vegas, check into your hotel suite – hopefully the sky villas at MGM with killer views of the entire Vegas Strip, or The Mansions with your own pool. Be sure to check in with your concierge to line up dinner for the evening. My top faves are Hakkasan or Il Mulino.

Head over to the Planet Hollywood Shops and grab lunch by the V Theater, where my producing partner David Saxe has his V Variety Show. There will be tons of hot girls there for the bachelorette strip tease classes taught at the theater. Be sure to get a bunch of numbers so you can invite them to your VIP table later in the night.

Head over to the Bellagio to gamble at the best poker tables in town. You’re sure to see some of the top pros like Jen Harman and Doyle Brunson playing in “Bobby’s Room.” 

Retreat to your hotel for a much-needed power nap, or get in a quick workout.

Photo: Beacher’s Madhouse

As you’re getting ready for your big night out, pop a bottle of Fireball to get the night going before heading to dinner. Make sure your cell phones are charged, and don’t forget the latex too.

At dinner, be sure to constantly check the score of whatever sports game you have bet money on that day. Proceed to stuff your face with a good base of food, because you’re in for a long night of drinking.

After dinner, head over to the MGM, where you have reserved a VIP table for the 10PM show at Beacher’s Madhouse. Be prepared to see things you have never witnessed before, including flying midget bartenders, mini-Miley Cyrus and an 8-year-old DJ, along with the sexiest dancers in Sin City. 

At this point in the night your next stop is Sapphire’s Gentlemen’s Club – bring a stack of hundreds and be prepared to make it rain as the lap dances commence.

Photo: Beacher’s Madhouse

Congratulations – you survived a night out in Vegas!

The best way to cure to a hangover is to start drinking again immediately, so once you rise, head straight over to the LAVO brunch party.

Your last stop on the way out of town is In & Out Burger – order the Double Double, Animal Style, fries, and a Coke. Then make your way to McCarran Airport, where you’ll hop on a plane and thank God that you survived the past 24 hours without any Mike Tyson run-ins, Bengal tigers in your penthouse, or drunken marriages you might have to annul.