A Concise Guide to John McAfee, the Insane Software Guru Running For President

McAfee 2016, because why the f**k not.


John McAfee’s instructional video on removing the software that bears his name.

Stop what you’re doing and take a seat. person of interest, and joyfully gun-toting, tatted wild man John McAfee is running for president. In case anyone doubts McAfee is serious: he filed (PDF) with the Federal Election Commission yesterday.

Even for this ridiculous election cycle, McAfee is an, um, unorthodox candidate. A few awesome examples of just how unorthodox McAfee is: he’s on the run from Belize, where police want to talk to him about a 2012 homicide; McAfee is allegedly a big fan of sex yoga with youngish girls. He is totally into ingesting hallucinogens via the rectum.

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Wired reported Tuesday that McAfee was considering a run, but he said he wanted to convince someone “smarter and more charismatic” to do it instead. McAfee wouldn’t give the names of anyone advising him, but he told Wired the mystery advisors were “pressing” him to run, claiming he’s received “many thousands of emails saying please run for President.” In his FEC filing McAfee wrote, “I am founding a new party yet to be announced.”

But what about his policy positions? McAfee told Wired he believed the government was broken and did not understand technology. He cited the recent major hacks of U.S. government agencies as evidence”that the leadership of our country is illiterate on the fundamental technology that supports everything in life for us now, that is cyber science, our smartphones, our military hardware, our communications.”

McAfee makes smart points and he’s a demonstrably successful maverick innovator—the kind of public figure America loves. And this seems to be the season of the non-traditional presidential candidate. We’d think McAfee might stand a chance in a field currently dominated by a master of off-the-cuff rhetoric like billionaire Donald Trump.

We feared John McAfee’s chances would be torpedoed before he’s even begun to fight for his chance to eventually anally absorb bath salts in the Oval Office—he was born in Scotland, and American presidents must be native-born. However, the Oregonian reports the 69-year-old was first came kicking into the world on an American military base.

So there’s still hope, after all. Look out, Deez Nutz and Dat Ass, McAfee’s coming.

Photos by Screen grab