You know what’s fun? Sex. Sex is fun. You know what’s not fun? Babies, when you don’t want them. There’s nothing worse than hearing the words “I’m pregnant” come out of your girlfriend’s mouth at a time when all you’re thinking about is booze, butts, and how you’re going to pay your rent on time.
This very dilemma is the reason why men have been wrapping their dicks in latex whenever they want to join genitals with a woman. But let’s face it – condoms suck. They’re tight where they shouldn’t be and baggy where they should be snug, and the whole dick-covered-in-airtight-material thing just makes things feel way less nice.
Lucky for you, the year is 2016 and the world of safe sex is finally evolving. High-tech condoms made of tiny hexagons? Check. Spray on condoms? They’re working on it. A lever implanted in your balls that turns off your sperm? …that exists too.
And now, scientists are on the verge of releasing a new hormonal male birth control injection that works by drastically reducing sperm count, and it only took them 20 years to develop. No big deal.
According to the BBC, clinical trials found the injection to be 96 percent effective at preventing pregnancy, where only four out of 270 couples got pregnant while using the injection. Only four! That's amazing. Well done, scientists.
The trial recruited men between the ages of 18 to 45, who had been in a monogamous relationship for at least one year. Participants received an injection once every eight weeks, and were monitored until their sperm counts fell to under one million per milliliter. For reference, you should know that the average sperm count is fifteen million per milliliter.
That said, the injection works! Yay! And after stopping the injections, all but eight men’s sperm counts were restored after one year. Sorry for your loss, fellas. Hopefully their sperm counts bounce back real soon.
Now, while this male birth control injection may seem like an unparalleled alternative to condoms, you should know that there are some unfortunate side effects, because like all pharmaceuticals, this one is a double-edged sword. It’s just the way things work, my friends.
Side effects of the injection include depression, mood disorders, acne, and muscle pain. Unfavorable, but not terrible. I mean, side effects of any kind suck, but when you think about some of the pill commercials you see on TV that list stroke, heart attack, and death as "common side effects," acne and muscle pain don’t sound too bad.
But still, a total of 20 men ended up dropping out of the trial due to the side effects. Bummer.
For now, researchers are working on tweaking the medication to come up with ways to minimize the side effects while maintaining effectiveness, so it looks like hormonal male birth control still has a ways to go. But don't be discouraged -- unlike hormonal birth control, at least condoms keep you safe from nasty STDs.