Mastering 6 Styles of Outdoor Sex
Whether it’s sandy beaches, verdant meadows, or watery love nests, here are some hot tips for sunny shenanigans.
When it’s hot out, the last place you want to be is tangled in a sweaty ball of bed sheets, especially if you’re lacking A/C or a decent fan. So why not take it outside? Having sex outdoors can be fun in a wide variety of locations, and even more pleasurable if you come prepared. Here, some important guidelines for getting it on, al fresco:
On the Beach
1. Bring plenty of towels — three is fine, four even better — to make an overlapping, sand seepage-preventing love tapestry. Sand between the toes is romantic and enhances the novelty of your location. But grit all up in the naughty bits can create friction, and not in a good way.
2. Scout a secluded location and set up your beachy bang-a-thon during sunset, after families have packed up and gone home. And don’t worry about that old dude with the metal detector, he’s got headphones on and can’t hear a thing.
3. Remember to take any used condoms with you when you leave. Kids sure can be indiscriminate when outfitting their sand castles with a flag.
In a Field
1. Pack a picnic: wine, cheese, crackers, chocolate, lube. Bring plenty of water bottles for rinsing off dirty feet, fingers, and other filthy appendages.
2. A verdant meadow is among the most erotic outdoor locations — there’s just something sexy about butterflies and wildflowers — but you’ll miss having running water and clean towels afterwards. That’s when those napkins you brought for the “picnic” will come in handy.
3. Find a field of lavender, a sweet-smelling herb known for its calming and relaxing properties. The scent will weaken her knees while boosting her libido. Also, arrange for one of those butterflies to to magically land on a baby deer’s nose when she climaxes. It’s just a classy move.
In the Woods
1. Wooded areas tend to have a rocky, rooty, and uneven terrain. Bring blankets and pads to approximate the comfort of a mattress. Make sure your tent is zipped and keeping bugs at bay.
2. On top of your makeshift padding, roll out a two-person sleeping bag. These things are basically designed for outdoor sex in a Game of Thrones-worthy woodland setting.
3. In addition to bug spray, ingredients for s’mores, and the sex toys of your choice, bring bear repellant. Nothing kills the mood like being mauled by an enraged grizzly.
In the Water
1. Water rinses away most lubricants, so if you’re in need, opt for something silicone-based, or try a little foreplay on dry land. Then again, if she needs lube while you’re actually in the water, this probably isn’t meant to be.
2. When in a pool or hot tub, definitely experiment with the angles of your body and the direction of the jet streams. Sauna jets are well known for being particularly pleasing to lady parts. Just try to resist jamming your own junk in there — or at least wait until after she goes home.
3. Oceans are preferable to lakes. It’s better to get knocked over by a wave than snagged by an errant hook because some fly fisherman didn’t see you two boning in his favorite trout spot.
On the Roof
1. If your building is situated among all manner of high and low-rise structures, expect that someone, somewhere, will have a clear view of the roof. Proceed with discretion — or without. You’re probably drunk anyway.
2. Roofs are typically finished with a pebbly stucco or gritty tar paper. Both of which are hell on the knees, elbows, and any other extremity that touches it. So unless you’re into S&M, bring a blanket.
3. If you’re up thrillingly high, try to take her from behind as she grips a ledge overlooking the street. That way she can enjoy the view, just like everyone else!
At a Music Festival
1. Even if you normally hate wearing rubbers, muddy fields necessitate proper footwear. The only thing less sexy than men’s exposed toes are those toes covered in muck and grime. As for the blissfully barefoot couple pictured above, they’re too high on Molly to care.
2. If you’re solo and looking to hook up, the bottled water line is your friend. Nobody is quite as desperate as festival goer waiting 20 minutes for an overpriced bottle of warm Poland Spring. Just say those three magic words: “I have ice.” You’d be surprised.
3. While having sex in an airplane bathroom is awesome, sex in a Port-O-Potty is absolutely disgusting. However, if you can’t find any privacy, you’re allowed to use one as a last resort. Just make it quick, and put the seat down when you’re done. It’s the right thing to do.
Photos by Getty