Here Are The Greatest Masturbation Euphemisms From Around The World

“To shake hands with the president.”


(Photo: Getty)

Here in America, we’re pretty creative with our masturbation euphemisms, as you’ve probably already noticed. This is probably because there are literally no synonyms for “masturbation” found in any academic thesaurus. So, we made our own. 

Some honorable mentions of American masturbation euphemisms include:
1. Jerking off (obviously)
2. Polishing the family jewels
3. Beating your meat
4. Choking your chicken
5. Rubbing one out
6. Bludgeoning the beefsteak (said no one, ever)

Pretty lame, right? But guess what – we’re not the only ones who come up with zany masturbation euphemisms. There’s a whole world out there, people.

Take the esteemed French art and design publication Ufunk, which recently published a series of visuals for masturbation euphemisms people in other countries like to use, and let me tell you – they’re all winners. Check them out in the gallery above. 

Good stuff. Well done, America, for coming up with those.

H/T: Ufunk