Maxim Told Me To Go There [2/21 – 2/27]

On this week’s agenda: Fast-moving toilets & caber tossing.

This is Maxim’s weekly guide to the parties, festivals, events, and assorted mayhem going on around the country. Check back each Friday to see what’s happening over the weekend and the following week, then pack your bag and hit the road!

21st Annual Trenary Outhouse Classic

Feb 22 – Trenary, MI

Admission free – register your outhouse here

For people who like to spend a long, leisurely time in the bathroom on Saturdays, the Outhouse Classic might be just the change of pace you need. It’s a brilliantly stupid local event where people arrive with homemade racing toilets (yes, racing toilets) and compete to see who can rush their crapper down the snowy streets in the fastest time. It probably says something about our general mentality that this seems to us to be a much more worthwhile and entertaining sport than anything at the Winter Olympics.

33rd Annual Santa Cruz Clam Chowder Cook-Off & Festival

Feb 22 – Santa Cruz, CA

Free admission; tasting kits (to sample five clam chowders) are $9

Are you in the mood for some chow-deerrr? Hit the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk this weekend to sample California’s best takes on both Boston and Manhattan chowder, then admire the spectacle of visitors from both cities beating the crap out of each other in a furious argument over the use of tomatoes (we’re just assuming that part).

Northeast Florida Scottish Games & Festival

Feb 22 – Green Cove Springs, FL

Tickets – $15

Not in the mood for toilets or clams? How about the sight of large men in skirts, throwing tree trunks around? Yes, this little slice of Scotland will showcase some of the finest in “Scottish athletics,” which, surprisingly, does actually involve more than just head-butting people and eating deep-fried Mars Bars. Bypass the bag pipers, help yourself to the whiskey tasting, then watch a collection of impressively burly dudes hurl increasingly large objects across a field. You know it’ll make sense when you see it.

Polar Bear Plunge

Feb 22 – Seaside Heights, NJ

Suggested donation – $100

If, for some bizarre reason, you live on the East Coast and feel that you just haven’t been cold enough this winter, try the Polar Bear Plunge. An event that raises money for the Special Olympics, it sees a large number of completely insane very brave people hurl themselves face-first into the freezing Atlantic. Just prepare your better half for the concept of “shrinkage.

Noise Pop Festival

Feb 25 – Mar 2, San Francisco, CA

Tickets – $150. Individual show prices vary

Celebrating its 22nd anniversary this year is Frisco’s indie music, arts, and film festival, Noise Pop. Featuring performances from the likes of Throwing Muses, Ladytron, Bob Mould, and Dr. Dog, the six-day event is definitely the most hipster on this week’s list, but that doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy yourself. Just try not to come back with too many regrettable tattoos.

Check out last week’s Maxim Told Me To Go There, or At Ease: 6 Great Military Bases Where You Can Stay On Vacation.