10 More Things To Think About To Last Longer In Bed
These horrifying images should buy you a few more precious minutes…
Sometimes, sex simply doesn’t last as long as it should, and you bless her with your signature O-face all too early.
Maybe it’s been a while and you had an I-touched-a-boob-and-I-liked-it moment, or maybe you’re hooking up with an ultra-hot babe and you literally cannot contain yourself (no pun intended).
But while it happens to the best of us, nobody is happy when it’s over too soon, especially considering the fact that it takes women an average of 20 minutes to reach orgasmic bliss.
To last longer, you can totally do a bunch of kegels, jerk off beforehand, or use numbing lube, or something…or you can just think about something utterly heinous for a few seconds, and it will effectively lull the overwhelming I-need-to-cum-right-fucking-now feeling you know all too well.
In case you have trouble coming up with unsexy mental images on the spot, we’re here to help.
We already gave you a nice list of 13 distracting things to think about when things get too hot, too soon, but since there are tons of weird and gross things in the world, here are 12 more.
1. How hot dogs are made.
Please, allow me to turn you the hell off through a series of nauseating GIFs:
When in doubt, just replay this GIF sequence in your mind, and you’ll be all set for another 10 minutes or so.
Obviously, this won’t work if you have a secret clown fetish or something, but since most of us are quite unnerved by clowns, your forthcoming orgasm should creep back to where it came from,
Just imagine a creepy-ass clown approaching you with an unsettling smile while twisting a balloon into a flamingo, and say goodbye to your boner.
3. The Pokémon theme song.
Playing this soundtrack in your head should give you some time to breathe.
Nothing delays an orgasm quite like Mr. Worldwide.
5. A big glass of warm, flat beer.
Sex feeling a little too good? Think about taking a giant swig of the heinous abomination that warm, stale beer is, and you’ll probably get turned off juuust enough to last a while longer.
6. Your most crushing failures in life.
Dig down deep into the pain. But not too far. Know your limits.
7. Long division.
If you feel yourself approaching the point of no return far too early, distract your boner with some math problems, because there’s few things more boner-killing than high school math.
8. Lace shorts for men.
These shouldn’t exist.
9. Pizza Rat
Thinking about a large rodent dragging a slice of cheese pizza through the filthy NYC subway should be adequate distraction for a little while.
RIP, big homie.
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Should you ever find yourself in a troublesome situation, I hope this helps. Good luck, fellas.