Why Some Like It Rough

Why people enjoy being pushed and pulled around the bedroom. 

It’s been months since “50 Shades of Grey” took the country by storm, and men everywhere are still reeling from the backlash (as in literal lashes on their backs from their girlfriend’s sudden interest in BDSM). While the idea of BDSM is nothing new, if there’s one thing Christian Grey has done for the masses, it’s to make it easier for people to speak up in the bedroom. Forceful play (consensual forceful play here, mates), is neither taboo nor risqué; it’s a type of pleasure many of us crave and it turns out there are completely naturals reason why.


To get one thing straight, a wide variety of sexual activity falls under the BDSM umbrella. For some, it’s a blindfold, for others, it’s a belt. Regardless, the pleasure derived from rough sex mainly stems from the control as well as the submission of control. According to Psychology Today,  we are born with either “passive” or “aggressive” predilections, so that “nurturing the recessive part of [our] rational beings may at times offer us satisfaction unavailable through enacting [our] primary circuitry.” In other words, if you’re a boss in the boardroom all day long, it actually makes sense that you would enjoy relinquishing the power and have someone boss you around instead. Additionally, those with anxiety issues tend to lean more towards the submissive role in the bedroom as it feels like a relief to no longer have to worry about making the right or wrong decision. Conversely, those who relish the rush of power and control will ultimately get off on being the dominant.


Critics say those who enjoy BDSM have been damaged or traumatized in someway. While this may sometimes be the case, it’s more often quite the opposite. In fact, a 2013 Dutch study found that BDSM fans are more extroverted, more open to experience (obviously), more conscientious, less neurotic, less sensitive to rejection, more securely attached, and higher in subjective well-being. Another study even suggests that couples who partake in bondage had increased levels of intimacy.


“Nature loves diversity and society abhors it. There are many, many ways that people are wired for pleasure. We all have unique erotic fingerprints,” says Nan Wise, a sex therapist and neuroscientist who studies the brain during orgasm. Even the best of sex can fall into a routine that your brain expects, regardless of position. “Unpredicted stimuli” fires up our dopamine receptors to give us sexual pleasure. Therefore, it’s natural for the added bite, grab, spank, or hair pull to bring you to the next level.

Long story short? Get to spankin‘.