6 Reasons Why Masturbating Makes You Happy and Healthy, According to Science

Not that you needed any.


(Photo: Getty)

In case you didn’t know, May is Masturbation Month, which means it’s time to get your right hand busy, gentlemen. It’s an entire month dedicated to jerking off, and we should all be celebrating it.

A long, long time ago, masturbation was thought to be a sinful and horrible activity that somehow caused unlikely health problems, such as blindness, acne, and hemorrhoids. Haha. It’s funny how wrong that is.

And even recently, anti-masturbation advocates have been arguing that rubbing one out makes you weaker, uninterested in your partner, and kinda sorta ruins your life, therefore you should never, ever masturbate. Ugh, lame.

But luckily, we have science on our side, and we can confidently crush any rumors that say masturbation is bad for you. Thanks to scientific research, we have a lot of data that proves masturbating has a lot of health benefits, and is really, really good for you, despite what naysayers believe.

So, in honor of Masturbation Month, here are six reasons why you should treat yourself to a nice five-fingered grip, all backed by science. 

1. It makes you happy.
As you already know, getting off feels great, and in turn, it brightens your mood! When you rub one out, your brain gets treated to a delicious cocktail of neurotransmitters including dopamine and oxytocin, which lifts your mood and makes you feel happy and satisfied AF.

“An orgasm is the biggest non-drug blast of dopamine available,” says clinical sexologist Dr. Gloria Brame. “A brain scan of someone having an orgasm looks like a heroin addict’s.”

Hmm…in case that “heroin addict” comparison freaked you out a little, let me put your worries to rest – a heroin addict’s brain gets flooded with dopamine when they shoot up, which is why they feel so incredible when they’re high. So basically, orgasms are basically like heroin, but it’s totally legal and you won’t overdose and don’t die or anything, which is cool.

2. It helps you last longer.
You already know that round two lasts longer than the first time around, right? Right. So it only makes sense that masturbating before having sex will help you have a lot more control, so you can effectively avoid the I-touched-a-boob-and-I-liked-it situation.

“[Masturbating] an hour before a date will give you more control,” Brame says, suggesting indulging in a little self-love is the best way to get ready for a date.

3. It keeps the cold and flu away.
According to hormone specialist Dr. Jennifer Landa, jerking off temporarily increases your production of the stress hormone, cortisol, which is crucial for your ability to react to everyday stress, and in small doses, it helps regulate and maintain immunity.

“Masturbation can produce the right environment for a strengthened immune system,” Landa says, suggesting an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.

4. It prevents cancer.
Fun fact: not ejaculating regularly can give you cancer, which is why you should masturbate more often. 

When you don’t ejaculate regularly, the fluid in your prostate becomes stagnant and full of gnarly viruses and bacteria, which can lead to a bunch of serious health problems, including cancer. And nobody wants cancer – especially down there.

Researchers from the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health discovered that twenty-something men who ejaculated at least 21 times a month were 19 percent less likely to develop prostate cancer, and in 40-year olds, that number jumped to 22 percent. Another study also found that men who jerked off over five times a week were 33 percent less likely to develop prostate cancer. 

In all honesty, I think that’s reason enough to rub one out a couple times a week. You know, to keep the plumbing happy.

5. It helps you sleep better.
You know how you get super sleepy right after you orgasm, and you basically knock out into a comatose slumber? Well, there’s a reason for that. As I said earlier, when you orgasm, your brain releases a solid amount of feel-good hormones and neurotransmitters, which makes you feel hella happy, as well as hella sleepy.

Plus, right after you blow your load, your prefrontal cortex, which is basically command central of your brain, slows to a glacial pace and allows you to forget all bothersome thoughts and worries and happily drift off into the land of golden slumbers. 

Nighty night!

6. It makes your erections extra hard.
I’m sorry to say, but there’s an unfortunate universal truth that as you get older, your entire body loses muscle tone. And sadly, this includes your penis and everything around it.

That said, masturbating puts your pelvic floor muscles to work and strengthens them, effectively preventing erectile dysfunction and incontinence. So, the more you jerk off, the better your boners will be! And you’ll avoid peeing a little when you sneeze, so it’s a win-win.

“It keeps the angle of your dangle perky,” says Brame, suggesting if you don’t use it, you lose it.

Happy Masturbation Month, my friends.