As a man, you already know that keeping a woman happy is hard work, because they are complex and mysterious creatures that get turned way, way off faster than you can comprehend what the hell went wrong.
Maybe you insulted her outfit without realizing it, or perhaps you tried to do that thing you saw in a porno one time, only to have it backfire, because porn doesn’t apply to real life. Who knows?
That said, there are countless things that can turn women off, and it’s damn near impossible to figure out all of them, but at least knowing a couple of them can seriously help you avoid a potential disaster.
And that, my friends, is why we’re lucky that FHM found a very useful Reddit thread titled “Women of Reddit, what type of male behavior dries you up like the Sahara?” so that dudes across these blessed lands can learn exactly what not to do.
As always, I raked through the thread and compiled the cream of the crop into this valuable list of things that you should definitely avoid at all costs, because they will turn her off.
1. "Suddenly throwing me into a role play scenario I never implied I was interested in."
Hear that? You should never assume she has a secret Shakespearean fantasy, or whatever. Always ask first, because assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups.
2. "I'm sorry, but when men chew tobacco - I just can't get over the smell/taste/spitting."
3. "Asking me for nudes or trying to send me nudes.
"I do not want to see your penis, it will not turn me on."
Especially unsolicited dick pics. That's basically an unforgivable offense.
4. "Comparing me to other girls constantly. It's seriously not what I signed up for, dude."
5. "Dismissing all my interests and ideas as stupid or not smart enough."
6. "Men who say all their exes are "bitches" or "crazy." I'm not saying there aren't shitty people out there, of course there are. And we've all dated one or five in our lifetimes.
"But if all the women you've ever been in a relationship with are the worst, maybe you are the problem, buddy."
7. "When guys have those obnoxiously loud cars/truck and revs them up so the whole town can hear them. And you can tell they are purposely doing it.
"AND TO TAKE IT FURTHER THEY STARE AT YOU."
8. "Not being able to have a good time without being drunk and/or high."
9. "Anything to do with a fedora."
10. "Guys who treat women they don't find attractive like shit. You may be the hottest mofo in here, but if you think you're too good to say 'Thank you' to the girl who just helped you with something, or manage a few sentences of small talk to the person you just met, don't let the door hit you on your way out.
"Chivalry doesn't end where you don't want to put your dick."
11. "Finger fucking like a jack hammer."
Real life isn't a porno!
12. "Interrupting. I'll let it slide 3 times. Then I'll just tune out the rest of the conversation and excuse myself when I can."
13. "Bragging about past sexual conquests. Instant conversation ender."
14. "Unsolicited dick pictures."
Again with the dick pics. Come on, fellas! You're better than that.
15. "Being constantly insecure about your penis size. Nobody cares about it as much as you do. Guaranteed."
16. "Are you cummin' yet? Are you cummin' yet? Are you cummin' yet? Huh? Huh?"
Please don't interrogate her dur
17. "Bragging about your personal wealth, even in a joking manner. I don't care how rich you are, or how much money you paid for your damn shoes. It's not going to impress me in the slightest."
18. "Being overtly obsessed with sex as if it's the only thing that matters in life, and there is no other reason to spend time with women."
19. "Ghosting, then reappearing after a few weeks. Like herpes. Boy, bye."
20. "Having dingy sheets, because no self-respecting woman would ever want to sit on, let alone have sex on month-old bedding where many nights of nocturnal swamp ass is literally baked into the comforter."