Here’s the thing: women are hard to please, be it in life or in the sack, and sometimes it seems as though their vaginas were designed to cause confusion and chaos and make it damn hard to get them off.
Luckily, I came across an AskReddit thread titled “Girls of Reddit, what are some NSFW tips you wish every guy knew?” which really explains some subtleties quite well.
So, without further ado, here are 20 things you might want to start doing in bed, coming straight from the ladies themselves.
1. "I fucking love it when a guy gets a boner while we spoon. It gets me in the mood pretty quickly."
2. "Wash your dick and we'll be more willing to give you a BJ. A stinky dick doesn't get a blow job."
3. "Foreplay is amazing and absolutely crucial."
4. "I don't know if all women feel the same way, but guys, if you're ever going down on me, please don't peel back the hood of my clit and dig your tongue in there like you're some starving ant eater."
5. "CUT YOUR FINGERNAILS."
6. "A lot of the time what happens after sex means more than the actual sex. Try to be a little present and nurturing/affectionate, especially with rough sex."
7. "Don't speed up if you're stimulating the clit. Nice and slow gets the job done. Also don't be afraid to lick the butthole. It's awesome."
8. "One time I was just on the verge of orgasming and my significant other notices. He speeds up! Speeds up! As quickly as it came it went. That was a sad day."
So, the point here is that if she's about to have an orgasm, do not speed up. Just keep doing whatever it is you've been doing.
9. "The clitoris is your friend. Find it, nurture and play with it. Love it and she'll love you back."
Aww. So sweet.
10. "If you're going down on me, it's SO much hotter to be teased a little bit beforehand. Kiss my stomach and inner thighs, then just about you're going to FINALLY put your mouth there, you repeat the process. Drives me insane."
11. "Moaning is hot, do it."
12. "Don't copy porn."
13. "Wash your hands before fingering. Some girls can get yeast infections if your hands are dirty."
And especially take care to wash extra well if you just ate Buffalo wings, or something.
14. "I know you just want to put it inside me but TEASE ME GODDAMMIT. TEASE ME UNTIL I'M BEGGING YOU TO FUCK ME."
15. "When you're eating me out, don't just lick. I don't just lick your dick, because while it's cute, it’s probably not getting you off.
Suck. On. The Clit.
Not directly, but on the hood covering it. This is like a 2 minute way to get any lady off, and after the first time cumming I'm in a much kinkier mood."
16. "If you're going to put it in her butt, make sure you've established trust that you'll stop immediately if she tells you it hurts. You don't have to abort the mission, just give her time to stretch.
"Also, butts are much more conducive to intrusion if you don't try to jam that thing in there in one go. You gotta lube, fit in the tip, pull back, push in, pull back, until you get it all in there. Gentle of course, you stud."
17. "Don’t be a noisy eater. My ex used to make the most god awful noises when he would go down on me. It was like the biggest turn off for me. The occasional mmm type moan is great, but I don’t want to hear the mating call of a cookie monster up in my snatch."
18. "When your woman is on top of you use your finger and push gently on the anus, but do not penetrate."
19. "I personally love when a guy mixes up his thrusts during penetration. I love long, slow thrusts mixed in with some hard, hammering, deep thrusts... but I really, really love when he's just about as deep as he can go and does slow, intentional, deep thrusts... like just pulling out an inch, maybe, and then back in."
20. "Be vocal. Tell me where you want me, how much you wanted me, what you’ll do to me, in what way. Tell me what you like and if I should do it longer. Don’t be afraid to moan because it’s an indicator that its mutual pleasure. I love to please as much as I love to be pleased."
There you have it, gentlemen. You know what to do.