Scientists Have Weighed In On the Pros and Cons of Masturbating at Work

The break room just got WAY more interesting…

No one in their right mind would whip out their dick and just start furiously masturbating at their desk at work, would they? No, they wouldn’t. That would be ridiculous.

What about sneaking off into the bathroom and quietly jerking off during the afternoon lull? Hmm…perhaps still too risky. As you can imagine, it’d be dreadfully awkward to come eye-to-eye with your colleague at the sink after he just heard you masturbate from the next stall.

That said, maybe you’ll be surprised to hear that some British psychologists are advocating for there to be masturbation breaks in workplaces, so that people can get their jollies in the middle of the day to increase productivity, much like eating a muffin in the break room, or taking a cigarette break.

Mark Sergeant, a psychologist at Nottingham Trent University, apparently thinks it’s a brilliant idea. He told Metro that taking a breather from the workday to whack off would be “very effective at work,” considering it’d be a self-motivational reward, and would be a “great way to relieve tension and stress.” Ditto!

Psychologist Dr. Cliff Arnall also feels the same way, and is all for spanking the monkey in the office. “I would expect a masturbation policy to result in more focus, less aggression, higher productivity, and more smiling,” he said. “Certainly taking a masturbation break for boredom or an escape would increase work focus.”

However, Dr. Arnall also has some fears about masturbating at work. First of all, there’d be the distracting pressure of needing to get yourself off fast as lightning, considering you likely won’t get much time on your spank break. 

The other thing that would be bad is the potential of not being able to orgasm, which would frustrate you, therefore making you less productive than before. Of course, this is all on top of the awkwardness you would feel about masturbating at work. As in, the place where you’re supposed to be professional.

Also, if you’re going to beat off at work, Dr. Arnall advises against masturbating to one of your colleagues, as “this is likely to result in cognitive impairment,” he says. So, don’t fantasize about Debbie from accounting. It’s just not a good idea. Not worth it.

Dr. Sergeant also raises a similar trepidation – that “introducing any form of sexual behaviour to a workplace could be seen as a slippery slope that makes people think that other forms of sexual behaviour, such as those linked to harassment, are more acceptable.”

I mean, yeah, mixing your literal personal business with your work business definitely has potential to become disastrous, for many different reasons. 

So, is it a good idea to jerk off at work? Despite giving mixed signals, it would appear as though Dr. Sergeant and Dr. Arnall believe it truly is a fabulous idea. Your conscience and sense of modesty, however, might tell you otherwise.

Anyway, if you absolutely must masturbate during work, it’d be wise to take care of business quickly and quietly, and preferably in a place where nobody can see or hear you. Because really, it tends to not be the most comfortable atmosphere if someone sitting near you has his hand down his pants, very obviously stroking his penis.