...after you discover porn on his computer. Seriously. Ever.
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If you're gonna dig around your teenage son's computer, you better have a game plan for the discussion that follows your inevitable discovery of his porn stash. For those caught in such sticky situations, Slate recently offered advice on what to tell the blossoming, young pervert in your life. ("This isolated moment should be part of an ongoing, larger conversation with your child. One shouldn’t view this discovery as an event in itself, but more a part of the dialogue that has been going on for years about sex, body image, and all of that.") That's great and all, but what should you NOT say to your son after finding his browser littered with XXX sites? Maxim to the rescue:
"Oh, I love this one! Scoot over, I got popcorn!"
"It's important to know that women don't sound or act like that in real life. Well, sometimes your mother does, but that's only after a few gin rickeys."
"You call that anal? Please. This is anal." *Types "Goatse" into Google*
"I did it when I was your age, too. But we didn't have the Internet, so I had to get creative with your grandmother's Woolworth catalog."
"These women should not be viewed as objects. You should see them as human beings with complex personalities who were probably molested by an uncle at some point. Anyway, continue masturbating."
"We found porn on your computer."