Raise your hand if you haven't even seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens yet, but you're just about completely over it. Cool, all of you.
Now that we've got that settled, it is my great pleasure to introduce you to best piece of Star Wars merch for sale on Amazon, nay, the internet, The Extremely Unofficial and Highly Unauthorized Star Wars Kama Sutra.
"Why?" you may ask, to which I posit, "Well, why the fuck not?"
The world is already due to get carpal tunnel from feverishly clicking on Star Wars porn, so this seems like the next logical and highly hilarious step. If you're reaching for this book in hopes of getting detailed explanations of intricate sex positions as modeled by mid '70s Carrie Fisher, you'll be sorely disappointed. Instead, the author, S.N. Herder (nerf herder, anyone?), has humorously re-created naughty scenes with Star Wars action figures he's collected over the years.
Don’t try any of the positions in this book. Most of them are not physically achievable, and I’ve got no idea where you’d be able to find a Rancor, anyway. Don’t buy this book for small children. That’s just stupid. Buy it for your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, friend or parent. Buy it for anyone you know who loves Star Wars and knows that the internal temperature of a Taun Taun is always going to be “Luke Warm."
So dust off your gilded bikinis, grip your light saber, and buy me this damn book, please.