The Tetris Kama Sutra

We think about sex every seven seconds. Or every two, when we’re playing Tetris.

Are you a simple Tetris block, whose only purpose is to occupy the minds of hopelessly bored human beings in the bathroom with their smartphone? Do you spend your entire existence just slowly falling into place, waiting to get zapped away in the blink of an eye? There’s no doubt that the life of a Tetris block is a sad and lonely one, but it’s important to enjoy yourself while you’re here, and part of a happy existence is a good sex life. With that in mind, here are some great positions for you to try with your friends in between family road trips. If you are a Tetris block, that is. Which you’re probably not, now that we think about it.

Whoa there, champ – it’s fine to get creative in the bedroom, but why not start with something a little simpler, huh? Let’s wind things back and begin again with the foreplay.

That’s right, just ease in gently and swirl your tongue lightly over her nipples. Much easier than standing on your head doing whatever the hell it was you thought you were doing in that last picture, right?

If you’re both feeling naughty, try going at it doggy style. Try to ignore her question about whether that long straight one is in yet. 

What’s that? You got in a big fight? You know what to do as you walk out.

The most mature thing to do in this situation is head straight to the nearest bar and get blown in the bathroom by someone younger and prettier than your girlfriend. In humans, this would not be encouraged by most couples counsellors, but fuck it – you’re a Tetris block. Go nuts! 

More gaming? Check out our review of Paper Mario: Sticker Stars

More sex? Read 10 Sex Gifts That Keep On Giving