8 Things You Should Never, Ever Sext Her
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In this day and age, when our smartphones are growing closer to becoming full-on appendages, sexting has become the de-facto method of communication when the mood strikes. And as if you needed scientific reason to do it, people who sext are apparently more sexually satisfied than those who don’t. Subtly and sensually enticing your partner? Sexy. Texting the wrong thing and turning her off? Completely defeats the purpose.
But we’re here to help. Avoid these eight offenses and prepare to achieve steamy, A+ sexts.
1. Drunk Sexts.
The infamous sloppy drunk sext — mostly intelligible, fairly annoying, and not very effective. Women aren’t going to be too turned on or DTF if you’re so drunk your sexts barely make sense. The last thing you want is the lovely lady you’re sexting envisioning disaster scenarios wherein you blow chunks or fall asleep on top of her. If you’ve been hitting the bottle, put your phone in your pocket, and back away.
2. Autocorrect Disasters.
So you’re sexting, it’s really hot and you’re both into it, then all of a sudden, “I want to duck you so hard” flashes across her screen. Oof, instant mood kill. Once that happens, the spell is broken and it’s all over. To avoid this mishap, you should probably turn off your autocorrect, or just read over your texts before sending them.
3. Empty Promises.
Remember when you sexted her that you’d blindfold her and go down on her until she was begging to be fucked, and then you didn’t? Yeah, don’t do that. It’s really disappointing when you don’t follow through, because we were really looking forward to that…
This shouldn’t even need an explanation. There’s nothing LOL-worthy about a sext, and there’s nothing — I repeat, nothing — sexy about “LOL.”
5. All-Emoji Sexts.
A chain of tongue and peach emojis without any words definitely sends a message, but not a message she’s likely to respond to. We’re not saying ditch the emojis completely, because contrary to popular belief, science says emojis are actually pretty hot. Be direct with your sexts and use sexy words, and throw an eggplant or red lips emoji in there for good measure, but with discretion.
6. Anatomically Correct Sexts.
A cringe-worthy example we’ve actually received: “I’m going to put my penis inside your vagina, then I’m going to thrust my penis in and out of your vagina until I ejaculate.” That is downright disgraceful sext material, unless you both have some sort of sex-ed fantasy, in which case, carry on.
7. Begging For Nudes.
Sure, getting a boob shot is really hot, but not if you beg for it. If she doesn’t want to send naughty pictures of herself, don’t be salty and repeatedly ask her for nudes, because it makes you look desperate. Just keep at it, try a new approach, and maybe she’ll change her mind when she’s more turned on.
8. Surprise Dick Pics.
Gifting an unsuspecting woman with a dick pic is probably the highest sexting offense, but there’s obviously some confusion about this. A well-crafted, underwear-on snap of your crotch can be hot. But unless she explicitly asks for it, sending her a picture of your unsheathed, unsolicited penis will more than likely shock her than turn her on. She wanted to sext, not have a staring contest with your dick.
Get those fingers busy, gentleman.