Sex is one of the greatest things ever, perhaps on the same level of greatness as alcohol or the first bite of your favorite food, depending on who you ask.
When you're in a relationship, sex starts out phenomenal, but becomes more and more lackluster as time goes on. Why? Because we get bored doing it with the same person over and over for years (or months) on end. It's human nature.
That's why relationship coach Kyle Benson has shared with the world the three most important things to do to have amazing sex in a relationship, when or before the passion dies down.
So, couples, listen up. Take notes if you must.
1. Understand why you’re having sex with each other.
So here’s the thing about women: unless it’s a one-night stand or strictly a fuck-buddy situation, a woman wants to have sex with a guy only after she feels close to him. This explains why men are more open to casual sexual experiences than women.
On the other side of the coin, as you already know, men tend to have sex to increase an emotional connection with a special lady, or simply because he likes to stick it in. So, men and women have sex for very different reasons.
It’s important for guys to recognize the fact that “the way in which we [men versus women] feel loved and rejected in sex may be different.” Regarding that, Huffington Post says:
By sharing how you experience love and rejection, you’ll begin to understand your partner more and your partner will understand you as well. Any honest conversation you can have about sex will significantly improve your relationship both inside and outside of the bedroom.
What this boils down to is talking about your feelings about sex with one another, and being honest. Communication: It's the number one way to make you better at sex.
2. Talk about your fantasies and desires, and let your freak flag fly.
We all have sexual fantasies. It’s nothing to hide—especially from the person you’re sleeping with. Maybe you have this insanely hot Lana Del Rey-esque fantasy where your lovely lady puts on thigh-high stockings and stilettos (and nothing else) and calls you Daddy. Then you have a rough and sweaty bang-a-thon.
That sounds mighty sexy, and it’d be a shame if you didn’t get to live out that fantasy just because you’re too shy to tell her about it...which brings up this point: talk openly about your sexual desires with your partner, because if you don’t tell her, she’ll never know!
More often than not, unless it’s something dangerous and/or excessively odd, she’ll be so down to fulfill your fantasies. As the HuffPo talk with Benson states:
When a relationship works well, it’s because both partners respects the sexual nature of each other. You have sexual desires. They are valid and you have every right to pursue and satisfy them (as long as you don’t hurt anyone in the process). Ironically, your desires are the hottest thing imaginable to your partner.
I find it crucial for couples to find times to talk about this. Maybe it’s after sex. Maybe it’s a pre-planned a conversation with a glass of wine. You pick the time, but openly discussing your desires and what you want to experience in your sex life with your partner will greatly improve your relationship and your health.
3. Plan ahead for some sexy time.
Coming home from a booze-fueled night out with your girlfriend, giving each other eyes in the elevator, then ripping your clothes off the second you step through the door and having hot, spontaneous sex is fun. Sometimes, however, it’s a good idea to set aside a specified time to get naughty with each other.
You don't have to make it like a business deal and shake hands agreeing to have 2 rounds of intercourse at 9:00pm Friday night. That's not hot at all. Rather, as Kyle Benson says, “create an erotic space and time for your partner and you to connect. What happens in the space is up to you, but the space itself is deliberately designed to bring the erotic emotions back into the relationship.
“It gives you the space to seduce your partner. To treat them like you treated them within the first two years. Wild, free... but now it’s with intention.”
Granted, these sex dates are more for couples who have been together for a while, but no matter if you've been together for 10 years or two months, creating a "sexy space" is sure to make for some extra passionate sex.