7 Things You Should Never Do If You Want To Have Sex Again

If you like having sex, you should read this.


(Photo: Getty)

Hello, friends. Today we will discuss something very important: minor things men do that turn women off and make them put on their chastity belts.

If you’re rolling your eyes, you better keep those suckers steady, because the art of seduction is very delicate, therefore is very easy to fuck up. If you’ve ever been on a great date only to have things fall apart right when things are getting juicy, you probably committed one of many offenses that your lady friend’s naughty bits cannot forgive. 

That’s why we put together a helpful list of things that tend to turn women off and make them not want to have sex with you, just in case you hadn’t thought of them yourself. 

1. Bad breath.
Unless you have medically diagnosed halitosis, there is no excuse for bad breath. None!

Think about it. Would you want a stinky mouth leaving a trail of putrid, fermenting garbage-scented kisses on your body? Nooo. And neither would she. Of course your breath is going to reek if you had a spicy chimichanga or something for lunch, but it’s very easy to neutralize the funk emanating from your mouth with a stick of gum or some mouthwash.

2. Dirty sheets.
Having dingy sheets is a pretty significant deal breaker, because very few women would agree to sit on—let alone have sex on—musty, fart-baked bedding where weeks upon weeks of nocturnal swamp ass have left a visible stain and a balmy, sour odor. Bonus points for cum stains.

Do some laundry, damnit!

3. Poor hygiene.
Listen, no woman wants to have sex with a dude who smells gross. When you lift up your arms, do you notice a particularly unpleasant aroma? If so, you probably smell bad. And that is a turn off, my friends. This is also true if your clothes, hair, or anything about you smells anything other than clean.

Unattractive odors include:
a. Sweat
b. Greasy scalp
c. Stagnant hibachi oil splatters
d. Wet dog

Don’t smell like those things. Believe us when we say: a shower, deodorant, and some cologne can do wonders for your sex life.

4. No hand soap by the sink.
As a woman, I’ve seen this catastrophe in one too many bathrooms of men I was formerly attracted to. Key word: formerly.

Why is this seemingly harmless situation a big turn off? Well, if there’s no soap by the sink in a man’s bathroom, a woman may think, “What does he was his hands with after using the bathroom?” And then she comes to the conclusion that you, in fact, did not wash your pee-splattered hands after handling your junk.

The biggest problem with this is the fact that you fully intend to touch her face, mouth, hair, and basically every other body part with your unwashed hands.

When she realizes you don’t own soap.

While there’s no denying that not everyone washes their hands after going to the bathroom, it’s still a good idea to stock up on soap to create the illusion that you are a gentleman who values hygiene and cleanliness, which is a huge turn on.

5. Scratching your balls.
Fellas, we know you need to adjust your huevos every now and then because of gravity, humidity, etc., but there’s a discreet way of doing things, as you already know. If you blatantly stick your hand in your pants and dig around for too long, it might come across as though you have an itchy STD and/or no manners, and consequently will make your lady friend clench her legs together and not want to sleep with you.

6. Or scratching your butt…
This is worse than scratching your balls. If you have an itch that absolutely must be scratched, it’s a good idea to excuse yourself and take care of business in the bathroom. No woman wants to see the man she’s about to have sex with stick his hand in his ass crack like a savage.

7. …then smelling your fingers.

Holy fuck. No. NO. Don’t do it. Noooo Jesus help me. 

Well, folks, there you go. Now you know what not to do.