After a hard night out with your ladyfriend (or latest Tinder date), you blink your tired eyes open, roll over, and put your arm around that beautiful woman sprawled out next to you. Good morning!
She rouses slowly and offers a sleepy smile, snuggling against you. But knock knock! It seems you have a visitor - oh, it’s just your morning wood, asking for some love. Well, good morning to you too, penis. We know what you’re about to do. You’re going to smush your sleepy face into hers and indulge in some of the best, most satisfying lovemaking known to man—lazy morning sex.
But before you do that, there are certain rituals you should partake in, because let’s face it, we’re human, and we can be kinda gross when we first wake up. To make life easier, and morning sex better, here's some tips about what should do before getting it on in the a.m.
Behold, the 7 commandments of morning sex.
1. Brush your teeth.
This is the number one rule. Nobody – we repeat, nobody – has nice breath when they first wake up, especially if you’ve been drinking the night before, or enjoyed a pungent dinner of full of deliciously malodorous ingredients.
Morning breath is frowned upon during morning sex, or sex any other time of day for that matter. But of course, it's easily neutralized with a toothbrush, toothpaste, and/or mouthwash if you want to be extra minty fresh. Now you can breathe, moan, and pant right in her face as much as you want.
2. Take a quick shower.
If you’re a sweaty sleeper and get a little ripe during the night, you might want to hop in the shower for a quick scrub to freshen up and smell nice. While you’re at it, you can even pull her in with you, and get started on that morning glory.
3. Give your pits a quick coat of deodorant.
This is a no-brainer, and needs no explanation. Stinky armpits are a turnoff—unless of course you're into that sort of thing.
4. Use the bathroom.
Sex won’t be too enjoyable if you’re holding in your pee (or other things), and you’ll be too busy focusing on that to enjoy what’s actually important. Plus, there’s no denying the fact that there’s usually some gas waiting to make its great escape in the morning. This goes for you, too, ladies. Letting it all out will help you avoid the possibility of those awkward pre-orgasm toots.
5. Splash water on your face.
If you don't feel like taking a shower, it's a good move. Dried drool on your cheek, crusty eye boogers, and a greasy forehead aren’t too hot to look at mid-coitus.
6. Check your bed head.
Unless you're going for that look, quickly patting down your 'do is something to consider. But bedhead can be sexy, so it's okay to keep it messy. Your call, dude.
7. Have coffee and breakfast together afterwards.
You’ll probably both need it.
Have a great day!