When you think about it, the female orgasm may seem like one of the most useless, evolutionarily unnecessary things on the planet, right next to scrapbooking, on the unofficial list of the world’s most pointless things. I mean, pointless aside from the fact that orgasms feel good.
Last year, science finally told us why women have orgasms. Apparently, it’s an evolutionary remnant from an ancient time when women needed to have an insane hormonal surge and spontaneously ovulate during sex in order to get pregnant. But nonetheless, it’s not necessary in this day and age, considering humans now have a more efficient reproductive process.
And now, a new study is shedding even more light on why women have orgasms, and for the time being, it would appear as though the female orgasm still exists only to gratify a dude's manly ego, and make him feel good about his sex game.
For the study, researchers recruited 810 men and had them read a story in which they imagined having sex with an attractive woman, and they were asked to picture two scenarios—one where the woman has an orgasm, and another where she doesn't. Then, the men were asked to rate their sexual self-esteem, and how masculine and macho they’d feel in each scenario.
Not surprisingly, the men felt more masculine and more confident after they imagined making a woman orgasm during sex. “These results suggest that women's orgasms do function—at least in part—as a masculinity achievement for men," the researchers wrote.
Hmm…masculinity achievement you say? What’s that? Well, my dudes, masculinity achievement is a coveted triumph you experience when you do something that every man intrinsically wants to do, like bringing a woman to orgasm, or bench pressing 250 pounds. Basically, it’s your brain giving you a figurative pat on the back for a job well done.
And in this case, when you give a woman an orgasm, you get rewarded with the satisfying incentive of a masculinity achievement, because you successfully navigated the stupefying labyrinth known as the vagina.
"Despite increasing focus on women's orgasms, research indicated that the increased attention to women's orgasms may also serve men's sexuality, complicating conceptualizations of women's orgasms as women-centric," researchers wrote.
That said, when you get a woman off, you’re not doing it for her pleasure, even if you think you are. You’re literally doing it for yourself, you selfish egoist.
But then again, she is getting off, and orgasms feel incredible… so according to my moral compass, there’s nothing wrong with this scenario. Case closed.
Now, while I personally don’t see anything wrong with a dude getting a woman off for his own pleasure, the authors of the study, Sara Chadwick and Sari van Anders, beg to differ. They believe it’s a bad thing for men to give themselves brownie points for bringing a lady to orgasm.
“…it might pressure some heterosexual men to feel like they have to 'give' women orgasms, as if orgasm is something men pulled out of a hat and presented to women," they wrote in a statement. "This ties into cultural ideas of women as passive recipients of whatever men give them." Oh, okay.
With that said, you don’t need to give women orgasms, my friends. You should, though, because it’s the right thing to do. You get her off, she gets you off, etc. Plus, if it turns you on and gives you that delicious masculinity achievement, why shouldn’t you get her off? That way, everybody wins.