Why She Slept With You: The Unapologetic Cheater

You can’t always get what you want. But if you’ve got a few guys on the side, you’ll get what you need.

A sassy short-haired blonde with a give-it-to-me-straight demeanor and the sort of body that makes women jealous and men sit up straight, Amy* may be the best qualified bartender in New York. We met pouring drinks and – although I haven’t known her long – she opened up quickly about her life outside the liquor-soaked office. Though she’s in a committed relationship, she proactively seeks out pleasure beyond the domestic idyll, explaining that love and sex aren’t synonyms and never will be. Freedom, she adds, can mean getting tied up. We talked about how this Texas-native is enjoying the men of Manhattan.

You’ve got a boyfriend.

I’m currently with this guy that I have been with for just over a year and a half. We met at a dog park. He is from Erie, Pennsylvania. He’s been here 10 years. He’s already a musician and he’s 15 years older than I am.

Do you like being with an older guy?

I like that salt and pepper. Maybe I’ve got Daddy issues; I don’t know. There’s not really much to share about Freddy* because we don’t have much of a sex life at all. It’s devastating, which is the reason why I have recently sought out alternative options. I love Freddy to death and I don’t want to break up with him. I don’t want to not have him in my life. I mean, damn it. I am an incredibly sexual person. Sorry, I don’t neglect that. People get divorced for that shit.

What are your “alternative options?”

I have two side pieces. I have been very pleased with them so far. I think that when you’re going home with somebody or when you meet somebody, you can tell whether or not you’ll end up that way. I always ask them what kind of music they like, what they like to listen to during sex speaks a lot about how they’ll perform so I think music is a huge thing for me. I like setting the mood with the candles. The whole thing. Let’s create an experience out of this. I mean, yeah, we’re going to get off, but let’s do it right.

So you’re on the prowl?

I cannot help myself. I am just so strong. I don’t hold back, I don’t play coy. I don’t even know how to not have fun. I need a guy with strength because I’m so strong and if somebody can handle that – if they can give it back – that’s it.

What do you look for?

I don’t have a type. I don’t have a general look or physically, that has nothing to do with it. It’s like this really fine line between cocky and confident, it’s being sure of yourself but it’s having that charisma, having that one quick little wink, that something that makes me swoon. I don’t know what it does that makes me want to…. A freak flag spotting, if you will.

You must get hit on all the time when you’re behind the bar.

You get it so often that you get kind of numb to it after a while. Consider this most recent experience that I’ve had: I met him while I was working and he had that air about him and he stayed after and it helped that he ended up knowing my manager and he walked me home because I live right there. I don’t know why, but I allowed it to happen because I was attracted to him. It’s not like he did anything more. It was just something. I was just feeling his vibe.

Can you tell me about a bad one night stand that you’ve had in your life?

It’s sad to say because I’ve had so many one-night stands.

So what?                  

People look at it so differently when a woman does it.

In other words, you know what you like.

You want to just get off, that’s cool, but learn how to pleasure a woman. Do you need a lesson? I will gladly offer a course. All my guy friends, I’ve always said that, please here is a PSA for you: Please do not do this; women do not appreciate this; women need to have more fulfilling experiences.

Has anyone surprised you with something weird sexually?

The guy that I ended up moving here with, initially, I didn’t really care for him but we had the most amazing sex and we were into all kinds of crazy shit. I mean the skin was ripped off my ankles because the duct tape, once he took it off, it took my skin. We were taking a shower and the curtain fell down and there was water everywhere and we didn’t care. God, it was just so hot. You just don’t care. We threw my printer off my desk because we were so full of passion, the choking and the bondage. It’s just so – there are some people who bring that out in you and you’re willing to explore that with. Then, with others, you’re just like OK, that’s just not gonna fly.

This would be someone you were hooking up with though, a sidepiece, not just some random hookup.

I don’t know what it is but as strong as a female as I am, the idea of being taken and having that power removed in the bedroom is just sometimes incredibly invigorating and exciting and sexy.

Being told what to do can be a good thing.

There is something about that male, the virility. I’m a little woman and it’s being taken and owned in a sense. I’m not talking about picking fights or anything; it’s a sexual thing. That being taken and being able to just let go and have somebody else take the reign.

So your boyfriend is not like that at all?

No, it’s so missionary and lame.

It seems like you’ve tweaked the role of the men in your life.

That’s exactly what it is. That’s why I’m in such a complicated situation right now. I have got an amazing man, a partner, someone I can share everything with. A friend. It just sucks that you can’t have both. Then there are some people, that’s all it is. There is no way that I could ever possibly have a conversation. 

You’re not leaving your boyfriend for one of these other guys?

My sidepiece right now, he is sweet as can be and we have amazing sex, but, afterwards, I’m like, OK, I’m going home now.

*No, that’s not a picture of Amy. That’s a picture of a very lovely woman modeling for a stock photographer.

Still curious why she slept with you? Read on:

Why She Slept With You: The Impulsive Dater

Why She Slept With You: The Recovering Monogamist

Why She Slept With You: The Internet Dater

Photos by Tom Merton / Getty Images