I think we can all agree that people make some weird-ass noises during sex, right? Right. And let's think for a minute – what noises are associated with orgasms? Hmm…let’s see…grunts? Yeah. Moans? Yup. Guttural groans that sound like whale calls? Definitely.
Now that we’ve established this fact, let’s move on to the actual question: why do we make these strange noises during a good lay?
For men, it’s a simple answer. Dudes curse and grunt and stuff when they’re balls deep because it feels wayyyy too good not to make noises. Plain and simple. But when it comes to women, it's a complicated story. Damn, ladies are always so byzantine.
According to a new study by researchers Gayle Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire and Colin Hendrie of the University of Leeds, women moan and groan during sex for a couple different reasons, and I’m sorry, but they’re going to be a little hard to digest. Hold on tight to your egos, gentlemen.
For the study, which was published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, the researchers asked 71 sexually active women why they vocalize during sex, and they found that 66 percent of women moan simply to speed up their partner’s climax (ouch), and a whopping 87 percent said that they moan to boost his self-esteem.
Oh. My. God. That is fucking savage. Keep that in mind next time she’s throwing her head back and ooh-ing and ahh-ing.
"While female orgasms were most commonly experienced during foreplay, copulatory vocalizations were reported to be made most often before and simultaneously with male ejaculation," the researchers wrote in the report, implying that women moan and pretend they’re orgasming just so you'll feel good about yourself. Ooh the shade, honey. The shade.
The study also revealed that women moan when they’re bored, tired, or uncomfortable during sex, so that you’ll get all extra hot and finish faster. Ugh. So much deception! But still, it benefits both parties, so no harm done.
Then again, copulatory vocalization isn’t just for you. Women also let out little squeals and moans when they’re actually having an orgasm, so it’s not all lies. But sadly, it's hard to tell when she’s fake-moaning and when she’s genuinely moaning in pleasure, but it’s okay. As they say, ignorance is bliss.
You keep enjoying her moans, my friend. Just keep on keepin' on.