The Kansas City Royals may have won Game 1 of the 2015 World Series on Tuesday, but according to a new survey, New York Mets fans are more likely to score between the sheets after the final out.
That's according to the 2015 SKYN Condoms Millennial Sex Survey, which polled 5,117 people ages 18-34 on the steamy details of their sex lives. The survey, when broken down by region, contains tons of useful stats that fans of the World Series foes can deploy when arguing over the relative merits of their teams.
- Mets fans get laid more often: Some 63% of Mets fans report having sex several times a week, compared to only 48% of Kansas City fans who say they’re getting it on the regular. This may explain why...
- Royals fans masturbate more: About 1 in 3 of Royals fans masturbate at least once a day, while only slightly more than 1 in 5 Mets fans masturbate with the same frequency. Batting practice makes perfect, I guess, since...
- Royals fans have more sexual partners: According to SKYN, Royals fans "have more players in the dugout," with nearly 1 in 5 Kansas City residents reporting that they’ve slept with more than 15 sexual partners. Only 12% of Mets fans can say the same.
Of course, quantity isn't everything, and Royals and Mets fans have their own unique sets of sexual quirks:
- Royals fans will steal a relative's partner: Royals fans are nearly four times as likely to sleep with someone who’s dating or married to a relative than Mets fans. This may be the worst kind of stealing home ever.
- Mets fans don't wrap it up: 60% of Royals fans use condoms most of the time when they have sex. Only 47% of Mets fans use condoms with the same frequency. Wear a helmet guys: safety matters.
- Royals fans exaggerate about their bat size: Men in Kansas City are almost twice as likely as Mets fans to claim their dong is 7.1” or larger (39% vs. 21%). However, SKYN points out that nearly 30% of respondents in both markets "report their partner’s penis size of 7.1” of larger," which means Royals fans are more likely to lie about what their packing.
- Royals fans like 'em older. Mets fans, not so much: Royals fans are "significantly" more likely to have had sex with someone more than 10 years older than they are. My comparison, Mets fans are slightly more likely to have had sex with someone more than 10 years younger.
Is there anything these World Series foes have in common? As it turns out, they're both a little freaky: Mets fans tend to favor the classic "schoolgirl" fantasy, while Royals fans get off on the idea of nailing a stranger. What, nobody watched A League Of Their Moan?
We can already see how this argument might play out in a crowded sports bars: Mets fans accuse Royals devotees of being hairy-palmed, insecure, immoral goons, while Royals fans get to hit Mets fanatics for being grody little fuckboys. To which Washington Redskins might reply: call us when you've had a real double-header.