You Asked: How to Enjoy in Highest Level During Sex
Every other week, we’re combing through the Google searches that lead people to Maxim and picking one of your very important questions to answer.
You’ve come here because you’re looking for something more.
You’ve tried all the positions, all the sex toys in the catalog, all of our sex tips. And you liked them, but they weren’t enough. We get it, Maxim man. We’re here for you. We know you think there’s a next level of boinking that you just haven’t gotten to yet. And just like the Creed song, we want to take you higher. Here are a few ways to do it.
1. Take a trapeze class. Flirt constantly with your teacher, who will surely have an excellent bod. On the day of graduation, ask her out. The third time you have sex she will DEFINITELY bring out her sex swing. Make sure you stretch beforehand.
2. Time-travel back to the early aughts and find your high school girlfriend and your old Volvo. Scrounge around for that Postal Service CD in the trunk. Fuck her gently, with her on top, while “Such Great Heights” plays. Bonus points if you cry.
3. This one requires that you play a long game. Hang out in airport bars and do your best to pick up a flight attendant. At first you’ll be hooking up in airport hotels, and it will be intermittent because she’s jetting off to Reno every other day, but it will be worth it, because she’ll bring you extra little bags of peanuts. After two months of casual sex and dating, take her out to a gaudy steak dinner, buy two dozen red roses, and ask her if she wants to take your relationship to the next level: the mile high club. She will totally, definitely say yes, and this will surely be the first time she’s ever been asked. This plan is expensive but very worth it.
4. Take a vow of celibacy. Don’t masturbate or have sex, no hand or mouth stuff, for two months. Then go to a sex party. Gonna be WILD. Bring condoms.
5. Find a steady girlfriend. Be really, really good to her. Answer her texts, ask her how she’s feeling every day, be faithful, eat that booty like groceries, lightly flirt with her mom. Save money like a grown fucking man. Book a trip to Dubai and stay at the world’s tallest hotel, the JW Marriott Marquis. Aim for the presidential suite.
6. This one only works if you’re under 35. Go back to school and become an astrophysicist. Get an internship with NASA. Get into sick shape, and learn a bunch of stuff about science, and watch lots of space movies, like the one where Sandra Bullock is floating by herself for like 4 hours. Become an astronaut! Befriend all your bosses so they put you on missions with hotties. Do it in zero gravity, floating upside down, the stars twinkling around your little spaceship love shack. Knock those moon boots, baby.
Still confused? Check out the other installments of You Asked here.