You Asked: How to Undress a Woman
Every other week, we’re combing through the Google searches that lead people to Maxim and picking one of your very important questions to answer.
Unless you live in a nudist colony, undressing your partner is a typical precursor to having sex. And if you’ve done it before (high five!), you know it can go one of two ways: thrilling and sexy, or awkward and difficult. We’re here to make sure you get it right.
The most important thing to remember when undressing a lady is to take it slowly. Sure, if you’re going in for a quickie, by all means tear each other’s clothes off. But if you’re not, remember that undressing someone—and being undressed in return—is fun! And an underappreciated act. Remove each item with confidence and care. Whether she’s wearing sweatpants and a hoodie or a ball gown, this is not a task to be taken lightly.
If it’s summer, she probably won’t be wearing a lot of clothing, so it’s your job to draw it out. If it’s winter, accept that it will take a while. And if you do live in a nudist colony, find the nearest set of clothes, put them on your lady, then slowly take them off. Think of how exotic it will feel!
1. Consider your lighting: while you want to be able to see your lady’s hot bod and the clothes you’re removing from said bod, nobody wants to feel like they’re at the doctor’s office when they’re getting naked. Turn those bright lights off, and maybe light a few candles.
2. You know that thing they do in the movies where they rip each other’s shirts open in a fit of passion and the buttons pop off? Don’t do that. Then we have to buy more shirts. We don’t want to buy more shirts.
3. This one is very important: Remove her socks before removing her pants. Also: don’t just yank pants down from the waist and assume they’ll magically slip off, because then they get stuck awkwardly at the ankles, and you’re left with inside-out pants that won’t detach from her feet.
Side note: If she’s wearing toe socks, you might want to reconsider this whole encounter. Why is she compartmentalizing her toes? This isn’t what you signed up for.
4. If your lady is wearing fancy lingerie, keep it on for a little bit. She paid good money for it, and wants to enjoy it. So pause. Appreciate the lingerie. Love the lingerie. Smooch the woman wearing the lingerie.
5. If she’s wearing day-of-the-week underwear, and it’s the wrong day, don’t say anything. Her free spirit is what attracted you to her in the first place. And anyways, time is just a construct.
6. If it’s taking you more than 15 seconds to remove her bra, let her do it. Accept defeat gracefully. There’s always next time.
Once you’ve got all those clothes off, well, you know what to do. If not, here’s some advice.
Still confused? Check out the other installments of You Asked here.