There’s Now a Horrifying Recipe for ‘Green Apple Guacamole,’ And The Internet Is Totally Losing It
Not all guac is good guac.
Listen, people really need to stop messing with classic recipes and turning them into weird, radical monstrosities. Please. Just stop.
Remember the pea guacamole from last year? Come on. That’s just offensive. You can’t just mix peas into something as holy and pure as guac and expect to get away with it.
And now, someone decided it’d be a good idea to pollute guacamole with Granny Smith apples “for a game day dip with a twist.”
Goddammit. Is nothing sacred anymore???
How dare they defile guac like that? Apples are for shooting off heads and baking into pies — not for mixing with avocados and cilantro and serving to your friends like there’s nothing wrong with it.
But I know a little trick that’ll make this awful recipe a thousand times better: If you add in a couple tablespoons of vegetable oil, it’ll really bring the ingredients together, and make it easier to scrape into the trash.
I’m not the only person insulted by this disgraceful marriage of apples and guacamole, though. The entire internet, save for a very small number of people, hates it, too.
What the actual fuck. What asshole puts apple in perfectly good guacamole
— TchaiKILLsky, MHR (@TchaiKILLsky) September 19, 2017
Guacamole is perfect the way it is. Stop trying to make Apple or pea guacamole happen https://t.co/JGz7kKbWNd
— fred beans (@lotsandlotsand) September 19, 2017
Apple in guacamole?!? Is nothing sacred. Nothing has been ok since Prince and Bowie died.
— NewMexter (@NewMexter) September 18, 2017
An apple a day keeps your guacamole fucking inedible
— Eric Anderson (@emande) September 17, 2017
why does People hate guacamole?
— Evan Siegfried (@evansiegfried) September 18, 2016
not today, Satan
— Pamela, but vaccinated (@spaazzp) September 17, 2016
I wonder what these ‘chefs’ will come up with next. Replace avocados with potatoes for a a heartier dip? Fold in Cool Whip for a fluffier texture? I don’t know. I’m just hoping that nobody tries to disrespect guacamole like this ever again.