We have good news, and we have bad news.
Bad news first: According to scientist Nicole Prause, nobody is actually "good at sex" as a blanket statement with all partners. Aw, man. Seriously? That means my whole sex life has been a lie.
But not really, though, because being "good at sex" is all relative. “It completely depends on your partner,” Prause tells Science of Us. “For example, if you’re someone who loves to be pooped on, I’m never going to be a good partner for you. That’s just not in my repertoire.” Same.
That said, here’s the good news. There is one foolproof way to get better at sex, no matter who you’re banging.
Prause, who is the principal investigator at the Sexual Psychophysiology and Affective Neuroscience Lab at UCLA, believes the one real way to get better at sex is to listen to your partner, and pay attention to what she wants. So unsolicited butt-diddles and jackhammer finger-banging? Don’t do it, unless she tells you to.
And of course, since sexual relations are a two-sided affair, one of the most important things you need to do, aside from listening, is communicate. Prause says,“If you like something they’re doing, say ‘I like that. Use your words. If you can be more specific about what you like about it, do.”
So basically, if you love it when she rides your dick into the sunset while tugging on your happy trial hairs, tell her how much you love it instead of letting out a deep, guttural moan of appreciation. It gets the point across more clearly.
However, Prause warns against communicating too fast, too soon, especially if you’re telling her something that could be a little shocking. For example, telling her you heartily enjoy the whole "daddy" thing, or dipping your nipples in hot wax could potentially be shocking for some people.
“Don’t drop the big bomb first time,” she says. “If you really like being choked with a rope, that’s kind of dangerous. Maybe don’t start with that, but talk about it eventually. Start with something more common as a way of building trust.” Long story short, break the news to her little by little. Raise your freak flag slowly.
And if communication isn’t exactly your thing, Prause recommends a quieter alternative--trying out the Sensate Focus method, to make sex more pleasurable for both you and your partner.
Developed by the formative human sexuality researchers William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson, the method is “a hierarchy of invariant, structured touching and discovery suggestions,” where you sexually touch your partner for your own pleasure rather than hers. And apparently, that makes you better at sex. We'd believe it.
You heard it from science, folks. To get better at sex, either communicate with her like a champ, or slowly touch her everywhere for your own pleasure. That's easy enough, right?