Last year, sex toy entrepreneur Brian Sloan blessed the world with the most beautiful vagina contest in order to create a sex toy and home decor inspired by the most beautiful bajingo there ever was, and ever will be.
Now, he’s back with yet another contest, but it’s not for vaginas this time. It’s not for the most beautiful nutsack, either. That already happened, because why wouldn’t it? Anyway, this time, it’s for the most beautiful anus.
In case there’s any confusion, Sloan isn’t asking for the shapeliest, most luscious pair of butt cheeks to make themselves known. Oh, no. He wants to find the greatest, most magnificent butthole on the face of the earth, because it’s 2016 and we have nothing better to do. Just kidding. We do. But YOLO.
Listen to the theme song of the Anus Contest:
Three people with the most exquisite assholes will be named the winners and will split a prize of $10,000, and on November 8, only one will be crowned the asshole king or queen, thereby receiving an honor previously unknown to mankind. They’ll also win $5,000. It’s like winning the Miss Universe pageant, but better.
Sloan says the purpose of his poop chute beauty contest is to find out if there even is such thing as a beautiful anus, and this contest will give him the answer to that pressing question.
Watch the informational video here:
If you think your sacred chasm is worth $5,000, “upload a crisp, clear photo of your anus” (Sloan’s exact words) to the Anus Contest website, and pray your asshole is as delightful as you think it is. If you win, your precious butthole will be used to create a sex toy that thousands of people will stick their dicks into. Sloan says he may even create artwork of the winning anus.
Sound like a good time? Just throw all modesty out the window, apply here, and let the internet judge the beauty of your anus.
Good luck to all competitors, and may the best butthole win.