Instagram Fitness Star Robert Frank Rips ‘Storm Area 51’ Facebook Event
“Swole is the goal. Size is the prize…”
Robert Frank is known for being swole. He’s also known for his car rage videos, which feature monologues on hot-button topics of the day. And recently, Nevada’s mysterious Area 51 has been damn hot, thanks to a goofy viral Facebook page that seeks to mount an army of alien believers for a civilian invasion of the military facility—an army that is, as of July 16, 2019, 1.3 million strong.
So in a video highlighted by Joe Rogan, Frank goes off. He’s not into the idea.
“It has been brought to my attention that over one million nosy-ass virgins who don’t even fuckin’ lift signed a petition to storm Area 51,” Frank freestyles, “to quote, ‘see them aliens,’ instead of storming their local gym to see them motherfuckin’ gains…”
It’s not like he’s wrong. How are you gonna storm a top secret government base without being in tip-top shape?
The folks flocking to join the Facebook effort would “rather break the law,” Frank continues, “and try to trespass instead of getting jacked and tan, so they can get some ass.”
But hold up. In his funky riff, is Frank being fair? Here’s what the Facebook page actually says:
We will all meet up at the Area 51 Alien Center tourist attraction and coordinate our entry. If we naruto run, we can move faster than their bullets. Lets see them aliens.
“Naruto run,” for the uninitiated, is illustrated by the GIF in the following tweet. It’s not the most serious thing in the world.
This “Naruto run on Area 51” meme is getting so big I actually believe people are going to attempt it. The govt should tell us the truth about ufos and aliens 👽 we been in the dark for too long. pic.twitter.com/7o6m5Cmlv3
— KEEM 🍿 (@KEEMSTAR) July 13, 2019
Frank knows what his audience thinks: “Relax, Robert Frank, it’s only a joke.”
“But you know damn well,” he continues, “there’ll be a handful of geeks who never beat cheeks showing up with their Fortnite tee shirts and selfie sticks trying to make history.”
He has a point. And if they do show, it’s worth noting the military has a warning for them. The Washington Post reports:
Speaking with The Washington Post on Friday, Air Force spokeswoman Laura McAndrews said officials were aware of the event. When asked how authorities would respond to ardent explorers who might attempt to enter Area 51 in September, McAndrews said she could not elaborate on specific plans or security procedures at the base.
She did, however, issue a warning to those itching to try their luck.
“[Area 51] is an open training range for the U.S. Air Force, and we would discourage anyone from trying to come into the area where we train American armed forces,” McAndrews said. “The U.S. Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets.”
It seems like Robert Frank is ready to join up to offer some yoked backup to the Air Force should the geeks vs. top secret military personnel war begin out there at Groom Lake. As he says while car raging, “Swole is the goal. Size is the prize.”
“Fuck a martian,” Frank also says, “I’m trying to get shredded like a Spartan and smash chicks livin’ La Vida Loca, Ricky fuckin’ Martin.”
Entertaining as Robert Frank’s take is, the goofy FB page has inspired some funny memes in general.
New warning signs going up all around Area 51 in preparation for the 1 millions plus people intending to storm the base on September 20th this year… pic.twitter.com/47YQIlb1q6
— Mothra P.I. (@Hardywolf359) July 16, 2019
— dingo stinks (@Jacksmells24) July 16, 2019
The alien I stole from Area 51 showing up in my room at 3am to tell me he threw up pic.twitter.com/SnzXmozc1i
— coöchhaïr:* (@irritatingshit1) July 12, 2019
The last meme only proves Frank can’t be right about everyone bent on learning The Truth. Those guys are obviously out to get not just themselves but the aliens jacked as well.
Godspeed to them all.