All meaningless questions with completely inconsequential answers, unless you've got money on the line. Yes, brokers in England are taking prop bets on the royal wedding and some of these could actually make the thing worth watching.
Some of the prop bets focus on the stars of the show. But it's hard to get excited about what Harry will be wearing or who will be walking Meghan down the aisle. It's the stuff on the periphery that we're more interested in. Things like:
Which artist will be chosen for the first dance? Paddy Power says Whitney Houston is the most likely choice, with Elton John and Ed Sheeran are not far behind. Want to bet on it being Drake, though? You can.
As for what Meghan and Harry will be chowing on after the ceremony, Paddy Power says duck is the likeliest choice.
Have thoughts on the color of Queen Elizabeth's hat? Ladbrokes will let you lay a few bucks on 14 different choices.
The most fun thing to bet on Saturday though is probably the guest list, which could bring some big surprise, and big paydays. If Zimbabwe dictator Robert Mugabe shows up, someone's getting rich.
The potential to make a few bucks isn't the only reason to tune unto the royal wedding. There's also the return of Cord Hosenbeck and Tish Cattigan, the weirdos Will Ferrell and Molly Shannon created to cover the Rose Parade for Amazon earlier this year.
Ferrell and Shannon are taking their intentionally terrible coverage to HBO on Saturday for what will no doubt be the best live coverage of the event on any channel.