Every day is getting shorter and chillier, which means Halloween season is coming quick. And since it’s 2017, you can get your hands on literally any kind of tasteless costume your heart desires! Giant condom? You got it. Sexy Minion? To the devastation of Universal Pictures, you can get that, too.
However, there are some things you just won’t find in the Halloween aisle at Target. For example, this:
This mask, my friends, is supposed to be a vagina. Are you dry heaving yet? Because I sure am.
You can clearly see some of the anatomical vagina-y parts on the mask that make you say “Wow, that is definitely a vagina,” but it also makes you say “Jesus H. Christ. Where is my holy water?!” because it’s not specified what kind of warped, diseased coochie this mask is.
Is it “third degree burn vagina”? Or is it “American Horror Story Vagina”? Hmm. Whatever it is, it’s one creepy, mysterious bajingo, perfect for an upcoming horror movie that would probably receive 1/5 stars on Rotten Tomatoes.
Now, before you strap Cthulhu's clit to your face, you might want to ask yourself, do you want to make gleeful Halloween goers around you throw up? Do you want to be the most heinous person alive this October 31st? If so, get the vagina mask here for a hefty $480, and make innocent trick-or-treaters very, very uncomfortable.
Happy Halloween, my dudes.