Liam Smyth, a British grad student, recently went on the Tinder date from hell. Technically Smyth's date had a subjectively worse experience, but it was her fault he ended up with a repair bill and one hell of a story.
Writing on the GoFundMe page he published to seek assistance with window repairs, Smyth said he'd recently taken a Tinder match to a nice restaurant. "We had a lovely evening," he writes.
They returned to his place to have wine and watch a documentary. They'd been chilling for an hour, Smyth writes, when his date went to use the bathroom. Then:
She returned with a panicked look in her eye, and told me she had something to tell me.
"I went for a poo in your toilet", she told me "and it would not flush. I don't know why I did this, but I panicked", she continued "I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window".
Gotta give Smyth's date credit for honesty.
Smyth was "understandably concerned." He went out to search for the rogue turd only to discover it didn't make it all the way outside. His embarrassed date's fudge dragon was sitting between two window panes.
His date's night of bad ideas continued as she decided to try and fix the problem: "Being an amateur gymnast," writes Smyth, "she was convinced that she could reach into the window and pull the poo out."
About that: "Unfortunately she couldn't reach," writes Smyth, "She climbed further in and had the same problem. Eventually I agreed to give her a boost up and into the window. She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came."
Smyth tried to help the unfortunate woman out of the window. "But she was stuck," he writes, "Stuck fast. Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap."
Emergency services eventually came and freed the woman, to everyone's relief. However, the ordeal left Smyth with a broken window to fix.
His GoFundMe only sought the equivalent of about $261 USD.
The sheer ridiculousness of his story ended up bringing in around $3375 USD, funds which Smyth has stated will go to charity.
The Avon Fire & Rescue unit confirmed this story was true on its own website. The EMS unit's post quoted one of the firemen who answered the call, who said, "We see strange things all the time, but this certainly has to be one of the strangest – purely because of why she was stuck."
We don't know if Liam Smyth will see this (mercifully unnamed) woman again, but imagine if he does, and they even settle down and raise a family.
Their kids would never tire of saying, "Dad, tell the poo story again."