Adam Carolla on Autopilot

The star of Speed’s “The Car Show” talks road trips, the Batmobile and driving a hot-dog

The star of Speed’s “The Car Show” talks road trips, the Batmobile and driving a hot-dog

Our “Carolla-Industries” camera would mysteriously only focus on one thing

As we’ve shown here at Maxim before, Adam Carolla has a thing for cars. He’s about to share that passion with anyone watching Speed from July 13th, when his new show, “The Car Show” premieres. We sat down for a chat with the man himself.

So why should we watch “The Car Show”?

It’ll definitely crack the top 100 car shows that are currently on television right now. That, I am exceedingly confident about: I don’t know that there’ll be a car show that’s quite as funny as this one. I always feel weird bragging about a show before it comes out, but if you like cars, and if you like to laugh, or if you just like to laugh and you don’t like cars, or you hate laughter – especially the sound of children’s laughter like me – but you love cars – it’s not that I hate kids, it’s just their laughter gets in the way of the sound of the car, you know what I mean? – then it’s a good show for you. And if you like the smell of your own farts, well, then it’s tailor-made for you.

Did you have any mishaps while filming? We heard rumors about a tank.

I did not have a mishap in a tank. I did have a mishap in a chilidog, and I still have the road rash to prove it. I don’t wanna spoil the episode, but let’s just say, that whole Red Bull put-you-in-something-funny-and-throw-you-down-the-hill competition they have, it’s great for the spectators, but not for the guy who got stuffed into the hotdog go-cart with no breaks and thrown down the hill.

You’ve worked with the NBA’s John Salley in the past. What was it like working with him on The Car Show?

It was great reuniting with his naval: I miss that bellybutton. And basically, that’s who I talk to because he’s seven-foot nine. And John is cool, except for the whole part where he only eats natural food and I only eat drive-thru. But, yeah, Salley is cool. He’s laid back and he’s one of the nicest guys on the planet. And you would be too if you were stoned all the time.

What’s the naughtiest thing you’ve done in a car?

I can’t give you the real answer to the naughtiest thing I’ve ever done in a car, ’cause it’s kinda grotesque and dangerous ’cause I was driving a stick, and I was on a pretty windy road. Maybe I said too much… So I’ll just go back to picking my nose and, you know, I gotta admit, for me it’s less an automobile and more just my sanctuary to pick my nose. I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.

Have you ever had a bad crash?

No, knock on wood. I’ve had a few mishaps on dirt bikes and had the aforementioned mishap in a hot dog, but actually the most crashing I’ve ever done in an automobile is the Toyota Long Beach Grand Prix. That is nothing but wall-to-wall carnage: Take a bunch of prima donna celebrities and put them in cars they don’t own or have to pay for and there’s a lot of contact and a lot of crashing.

They sent us this picture three weeks after stealing our car. Two days later, we got a tailpipe in the mail.

What’s the best road trip you’ve ever taken?

The best road trip I ever took was to San Francisco in a ’64 Cadillac Limousine that me and my buddy Donny bought for twenty-two hundred bucks. It was basically the kind of Cadi that Elvis was tugged around in: It was black, and it was big, and we went to one of my buddy’s graduations. We just got about nine cool guys, and a couple beverages, and we just took off for San Francisco, and, boy, nothing better than good dudes and youth, couple of adult beverages and a road trip to San Francisco.

If you could only pick one, which would it be? The Batmobile; KITT from Knight Rider; Marty McFly’s Delorean; or the ECTO 1 from Ghostbusters?

Well, they’re all piles of crap. I mean, all those cars, they don’t accelerate, don’t handle, don’t do anything well. The Batmobile’s a slug — I drove that recently. The Delorean, with nothing on it, is a slug. Then you take a Delorean and swing by Home Depot and hot glue 500 lbs worth of crap to it, you’re really going to have a slug. The ECTO mobile, I believe that was a hearse, and that thing’s a slug, obviously. And what was the last one? Oh, the other one was an ’81 Firebird…I’ll go with KITT, because I like the butterfly steering wheel, and I like the conversation. And, of course, the turbo boost. I mean, you can’t go wrong with that turbo boost. And anyone who’s ever driven a turbo SAAB knows that, soon as you hit that turbo boost button, man, you go airborne. By the way, half the cars on the road have a turbo charger on ’em. How come they’re not all airborne?

Can you give us the perfect bumper sticker tagline for The Car Show?

“Drive like champions, you bastards!” Or, “No fat chicks.”