The Dictator-Ready ‘Black Alligator’ Is the Gold-Plated SUV You Need to Rule Your Small Desert Kingdom

That Kia ain’t gonna cut it.

Dartz Motorz is the ‘Borat‘ of car makers, with a similarly outrageous style and post-Soviet republic sense of humor, and the company used the launch of this year’s Gumball 3000 rally to unveil its latest outrageous creation: the Black Alligator.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but it seems like Dartz’s aesthetic (Motto: “Bulletproof opulence trusted by billionaires, tzars, superstars, generals and dictators since 1869.”) is more firmly in the eye of the beer holder, with a more-is-more, over-the-top, dictator-chic taste that seems perfectly in tune with the times.

The Black Alligator is based on the Mercedes-AMG GLS63, but with many extravagant modifications to provide simultaneous bulletproof armoring and absolute luxury. Consider it an M1 Abrams main battle tank by Sachs Fifth Avenue.

A regular 585-horsepower twin-turbo V8 GLS63 is good for 0-60 acceleration of 4.6 seconds, but Black Alligator buyers can choose for engines tuned for between 700 and 1,600 horsepower. And weight is kept reasonable by the use of kevlar and carbon fiber bodywork in place of heavy steel armor where possible, so the Black Alligator should be quick enough to escape tricky tactical situations.

Exact pricing is vague, but the company’s owner explained it in broad terms to Digital Trends. “We don’t mention exact price but we have two versions: 5Z and 6Z. That means five zeros after the first digit, or six,” he said.

No worries, just have troops carry the necessary bags of gold up from the national treasury down in the dungeon.