Oregonians Are Freaking Out Because They Might Have to Pump Their Own Gas, And We’re Embarrassed for the Entire State

“I don’t want to go to work smelling of gas when I get it on my hands or clothes.”

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California has earthquakes and wildfires. Florida has hurricanes. The Northeast has ultra-frigid “bomb cyclones.” And as of January 1, Oregonians are facing the worst disaster yet: self-service gas pumps in rural areas.

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That is the impression based on responses to KVTL-TV in Medford posted the question “Do you think Oregon should allow self-serve gas stations statewide?” Until now, as in New Jersey, pumping your own gas in Oregon was prohibited, but starting in 2018, rural stations can have self-serve pumps.

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Apparently, that is a thought too horrible to contemplate for many in the state, who posted responses like, “Not a good idea, there are lots of reason to have an attendant helping, one is they need a job too. Many people are not capable of knowing how to pump gas and the hazards of not doing it correctly. Besides I don’t want to go to work smelling of gas when I get it on my hands or clothes. I agree Very bad idea.”

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Worse, it seems that even getting out of your car isn’t safe in Oregon. “No! Disabled, seniors, people with young children in the car need help. Not to mention getting out of your car with transients around and not feeling safe too. This is a very bad idea. Grrr.”

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Another helpless resident complained, “I once almost got stranded because I didn’t know where the fill tube was on a car on a road trip. I never thought to look behind the tank. Also pumping your own gas is overrated.”

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Naturally, America has responded sympathetically to this disaster, sending relief trucks full of volunteer pump jockeys. No! America is ridiculing these pathetic losers who need to learn basic aspects of normal adulthood rather than engaging in Zoolander-like gasoline fights at the pumps.

Next up: Paying your own damn phone bill instead of sponging off your parents’ account.

h/t: Jalopnik