Danica Patrick Got Roasted for Her Cringeworthy ESPYs Opening Monologue

The race car driver's performance was panned by, well, everyone.
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Danica Patrick is a race car driver, not a comedian. That was abundantly clear on Wednesday when she delivered a painful, seven-minute opening monologue at the ESPY Awards.

The first woman to host the ESPYs was panned by critics for her performance, which saw her go in on Cleveland, LeBron's hairline and Fergie. 

Judge for yourself here:

Patrick's delivery is definitely not top notch, but she didn't write these jokes. And that's where the problem lies. Consider her first few wise cracks, which centered on the hackneyed observances that Cleveland sports teams lose a lot, Jose Altuve is short and Odell Beckham Jr. has weird hair. This is not groundbreaking stuff, and a lot of folks on Twitter made their disappointment known.

It wasn't just the peanut gallery that seemed uncomfortable with Patrick's jokes. The crowd wasn't so sure about them either. Check out Dan Marino's reaction after her joke about Catholics having sex.  

And listen to the groans after she roasted LeBron's receding hairline. 

Now check out the reaction from Eagles defensive lineman Chris Long after Patrick joked about Fergie's much-reviled national anthem performance at this year's NBA All-Star Game.

Yes, he says, "That was bad." He later clarified on Twitter that he was referring to Fergie's rendition of the "Star Spangled Banner," but let's be honest, his review is accurate for both her performance and Patrick's.