Danica Patrick Got Roasted for Her Cringeworthy ESPYs Opening Monologue

The race car driver’s performance was panned by, well, everyone.

Maxim Staff

Jul 19, 2018

Danica Patrick is a race car driver, not a comedian. That was abundantly clear on Wednesday when she delivered a painful, seven-minute opening monologue at the ESPY Awards.

The first woman to host the ESPYs was panned by critics for her performance, which saw her go in on Cleveland, LeBron’s hairline and Fergie.

Judge for yourself here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ogU6b_9cQk

Patrick’s delivery is definitely not top notch, but she didn’t write these jokes. And that’s where the problem lies. Consider her first few wise cracks, which centered on the hackneyed observances that Cleveland sports teams lose a lot, Jose Altuve is short and Odell Beckham Jr. has weird hair. This is not groundbreaking stuff, and a lot of folks on Twitter made their disappointment known.

Idk what's more dry. A biscuit for popeyes or these jokes from Danica Patrick. #ESPYS

— extraEllod ✨🎄 (@thefreshOne49) July 19, 2018

Poor Danica Patrick is absolutely bombing up there #ESPYS

— Jared Wasser (@JaredAWasser) July 19, 2018

Danica Patrick telling jokes is like Fergie singing the National anthem…#ESPYS #DanicaPatrick

— Mechanizm3 (@mechanizm3) July 19, 2018

https://twitter.com/Santa__Maria/status/1019735737078513667

These Danica Patrick jokes not hitting… at all #ESPYs pic.twitter.com/6my3RKaJD7

— don bran (@BfFlora) July 19, 2018

It wasn’t just the peanut gallery that seemed uncomfortable with Patrick’s jokes. The crowd wasn’t so sure about them either. Check out Dan Marino’s reaction after her joke about Catholics having sex.

The look on Dan Marino’s face after Danica Patrick’s Villanova “all the way” joke. pic.twitter.com/ffeGZDpy2P

— Nick Bromberg (@NickBromberg) July 19, 2018

And listen to the groans after she roasted LeBron’s receding hairline.

Danica Patrick trying to roast LeBron at the ESPYS…gets awkward silence from the crowd…CRINGE pic.twitter.com/oe67LEYgra

— Gifdsports (@gifdsports) July 19, 2018

Now check out the reaction from Eagles defensive lineman Chris Long after Patrick joked about Fergie’s much-reviled national anthem performance at this year’s NBA All-Star Game.

Chris Long summing up Danica Patrick’s ESPY’s Opening Monologue pic.twitter.com/ERO4dSNcYo

— Nick Manos (@REALNickmanos) July 19, 2018

Yes, he says, “That was bad.” He later clarified on Twitter that he was referring to Fergie’s rendition of the “Star Spangled Banner,” but let’s be honest, his review is accurate for both her performance and Patrick’s.