The 9 Most Amazing Halloween Costumes (That You Can’t Have)

It’s time to trash that old Beetlejuice wig and get into the Halloween big leagues.

It’s All Hallows’ Eve and you’re without a costume. At this point, your options are finding a red-and-white rugby shirt and trying to pull off Waldo, or buying a 6-pack of pumpkin ale and a 5-lb bag of assorted candy (“for trick-or-treaters”) and going as a guy on a couch.

People with very disposable incomes and festive spirits have another option: Buying really cool and incredibly pricey costumes off of eBay. You want to be a superhero? How about a full-featured, metal-helmeted Hercules costume. Your girlfriend wants some authenticity in her outfit? How about an original Playboy Bunny get-up.

Want to win your Halloween party? This is how to do it.

Iron Man – $4,999

Polyester, seek harbor elsewhere: This suit is solid polycarbonate. With what looks like between six and eight separate pieces, this outfit offers full coverage and enough metal that you can always sell it at a scrap yard. For the tycoon or deep-pocketed comics fan, this is the pinnacle of the masked vigilantism. Batman wears his suit; Ironman is his suit.

Robocop – $3,550

This suit will make you look like Robocop. The slightly stiff movements and modulated voice is up to you.

Hercules – $3,050 

Wannabes rock repurposed headbands or spray-painted tiaras while serious trick or treaters pull on metallic, functional Roman helmets complete with splendid brushes. Also included in this package are ornate, ancient shin guards, ornate, ancient wrist guards, and a magnificent cobalt cape. Not included? The requisite musculature.

Playboy Bunny 1970’s Chicago Outfit– $3,000

While we’d usually counsel against anyone buying a used leotard, this one is just so cool. Rather than a typical white or pink, this suit is splashed with wild neon triangles, and includes a name pin that apparently used to belong to a woman named “Mona.” If you’re lady is also named Mona, fantastic luck! The tail looks so plush that we’re sure it could find off-season work as a throw pillow.

Superman – $2,999

Be honest: Do you have the thighs to play Superman? If so, step right up and into this awesome, high-quality version of Clark Kent’s blue-and-reds. That cape looks like it’s made by Pendleton, which is a damn fine thing if there’s a cold snap or you live in Winnipeg. As always, stuff at your discretion.

Darth Malgus (Star Wars) – $2,500

Across the country, thousands of children and man-children will be donning the duds of their favorite Star Wars heroes: Obi Wan, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia. The ones with a little darkness in ‘em might go the route of Darth Vader or Emperor Palpatine. But, for $2,500, we suggest you win points for obscurity from both nerds and hipsters with this Darth Malgus get-up.

Dark Knight – $2,500

Unfortunately, IRL technology is slightly behind Wayne Industries’ R&D Department, so don’t go trying to deflect bullets or throwing stars with this breastplate. Still, this is one mean looking suit, with high-quality layered construction, plus a solid belt and a molded leather backpack that any school-kid would do anything to get his sticky fingers on.

Spider Man – $2,500 

Spiderman has always worn a thick, graphics-heavy giant slalom suit. Don’t think of this as just a costume. Think of it as a ski outfit and the tag will make more sense. 

Star Wars 4-LOM – $2,300 

The evil protocol robot-droid LOM was probably not the droid you were looking for, but he’s the droid you found. Because LOM is a robot, this hard suit is made for a shorter, wealthier Star Wars fan, which seems like a thing that probably exists.

Photos by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures / Everett Collection