Human Water Park

What the goop, goo, and gastrointestinal juices that course through your body actually do.

Jesse Brukman

Apr 4, 2013

What the goop, goo, and gastrointestinal juices that course through your body actually do.

Bile

Produced by: The liver

What it does: Stored in the gallbladder, bile allows your body to digest fat.

If it’s leaking: You’ve probably exhausted all your stomach contents in a serious barf session. On an empty stomach, the fluid that remains is typically bile and gastric juice.

Cerebrospinal Fluid

Produced by: The brain

What it does: Suspends your brain, protecting it from impact and from crushing itself under its own weight (not a problem for the typical Maxim editor).

If it’s leaking: Quick, hug a loved one. An injury where this stuff comes out of your head is bad news re: living.

Chyme

Produced by: The stomach

What it does: Surprisingly, your body is unable to digest 17 bratwursts in their natural state. Once stomach acid and bile hit a meal, the semiliquid goo that remains is chyme, which is then sent on to the small intestine.

If it’s leaking: It’s acidic enough to damage your insides and the chances of an infection are pretty great, so please don’t stab yourself in the stomach anymore.

Blood

Produced by: Bone marrow

What it does: Delivers oxygen, glucose, and disease-fighting agents to the rest of the body.

If it’s leaking: You’ve been stabbed, shot, punched, burned, stab-punched, or even burned-shot. Blood is the first fluid to go, and your body rushes it to a wound to help the healing process.

Endolymph

Produced by: The ear

What it does: A series of chambers full of this fluid surrounds the inner ear, creating an environment for nerves to interpret sound through fluid waves, and acts as an internal level to keep you balanced.

If it’s leaking: The stuff is toxic, and if it gets out of those chambers it will damage your ability to hear and maintain an upright position. Get back in there!

Tears

Produced by: The lacrimal gland

What they do: Constantly lubricate your eyeballs. Excess occurs due to an emotional or immune response (to flush out the junk).

If they’re leaking: You watched the episode where My Little Pony lost her sparkle crown.

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