We Understand You Hate Skinny Jeans, But Don’t Go This Far

Please, just leave JNCOs where they belong — in the nineties

There are a ton of reasons why you probably hate skinny jeans. In addition to the ball crushing, a connection to possible nerve and muscle damage, and the ability bend your oversized phone, that style of trouser could actually imprison you. So yes, we feel your pain. 

The instinct to run as far away from skinny jeans as possible is warranted, natural even. But lines have to be drawn, guidelines given. Your dignity is at stake. And that dignity would be decimated by wearing JNCO jeans.

You know the style — you may have even worn them back in the nineties. And it was acceptable then. We’re not going to condemn you for your past choices, but if you hop on to this revival train, you give us no choice. 

JNCO jeans are the parachute pants of denim. They are the inflatable slide of bottoms. They are….they are simply not acceptable for wearing in 2015.

Sure, there may be a bit of the nostalgia factor calling to you. You want to show that you don’t really care what fashion says and you’re your own man. You want to show you hate skinny jeans. And all of those things are great — just don’t do it in these.

But if you’re still dead set on rocking a pair, pre-order them from the soon-to-be relaunched brand.