Bachelorettes of the Year

Katharine McPheeWhy she made the list: We always knew she could sing, but somewhere between coming up short on American […]

Katharine McPhee
Why she made the list: We always knew she could sing, but somewhere between coming up short on American Idol and appearing on The Tyra Banks Show, she got hot. Plus, she has no problem being felt up.
Drawback: She was discovered by one of the most annoying shows on television.

Lisa Lampanelli
Why she made the list: We’re like lions?we go for the weak gazelles limping at the back of the pack. Of all the ladies on the list, she seems the most attainable. And she’s always good for a laugh or two.
Drawback: She spends most of her nights working the clubs. Also, if you’re easily offended, you’re in for a bumpy ride.

Condoleezza Rice
Why she made the list: We’re not gonna lie, power gets us off. And there isn’t a more powerful broad out there than ol’ Condi. Besides, what was it Snoop said about gap teeth?
Drawback: Late nights in the oval office might arouse suspicion. We’re looking at you, Cheney?and Bush?and Wolfowitz. Damn, this gal is insatiable.

Ivanka Trump
Why she made the list: Trump trust fund with boobies. Woo hoo!!
Drawback: The “Trump” in trust fund. The Donald’s endless dinnertime blathering might just cause us to choke on one of his steaks.
Orlando Bloom
Why she made the list: She’s a Hollywood big shot. Producers continue to cast her in epic roles (Kingdom of Heaven, Pirates of the Caribbean, Troy). At least Peter Jackson was smart enough to bring out her feminine side in The Return of the King.
Drawback: We think she has a penis.

Rashida Jones
Why she made the list:
Since we identify with her The Office costar and fictional love interest Jim Halpert, being on Rashida’s radar doesn’t seem too far-fetched. Then again, we also identify with Indiana Jones, James Bond, and Batman.
Drawback: With a successful season wrapped up, Rashida’s star is on the rise; and we tend to do better with chicks on their way down.

Rachelle Leah
Why she made the list: She’s the octagon girl for the Ultimate Fighting Championship, so you’re sure to get front-row seats to all the fights.
Drawback: If you ever dump her, she has tons of mixed martial artists who will be more than willing to pound your ass.

Natalie Portman
Why she made the list: Whether she’s lampooning her squeaky-clean image as a hard-core rapper on SNL, or blowing up buildings as a bald terrorist in V for Vendetta, this brainy brunette has always found the quickest route to our barely beating hearts. Plus, she’s a Harvard grad, so if the movie career stalls, she’s bound to find another lucrative job with which to support us.
Drawback: She’d block on our home computer.