When you think of purpose of the all-important vagina, you probably think of one thing and one thing only: sex. And maybe babies, because that’s where they come from.
But guess what? There’s a woman in the world who has found another use for her vagina: weight lifting. My friends, meet Kim Anami, holistic sex and relationship expert, surfer, and…vaginal weight lifter.
That’s right, folks. Anami is a vaginal weight lifter, meaning she lifts weights and other heavy inanimate objects with her vagina, including a surfboard, for the sake of sexual health and beauty.
“I can lift skateboards, coconuts…all kinds of tropical fruit!” she says, making me believe her pelvic floor muscles can probably choke out small prey like a boa constrictor.
According to Anami, the purpose of vaginal weight lifting is to tighten the pelvic floor muscles until they resemble a 12-year old's, for supercharged libido, and for better and stronger orgasms. Doesn't that sound great?
Anami likes to call the art of lifting heavy things with her cooch “vaginal kung fu,” possibly because she can trap and maim a man with the iron grip of her lady bits. Watch out, fellas.
And just how does she do it? Simple! She ties a string to a jade egg (which is basically a kegel ball), and sticks the egg where the sun don’t shine. Then, she can tie anything her heart desires to the end of that string, like a frying pan, or a Shih Tzu.
“It’s a jade stone that is carved into the shape of an egg. It’s got a hole drilled through it so you can put a string through the hole and you can attach any number of objects to the end of it – from chandeliers to pumpkins.”
The pro vaginal weight-lifter travels the world, just lifting random objects with her vagina, and posts a picture on Instagram with the hashtag #thingsiliftwithmyvagina, because pics or it didn’t happen. So far she's traveled to:
Marrakesh, Morocco, to lift a “hexagonal, hand-carved cedar box with inlaid mosaic tiles” with her bajingo.
Piazza San Marco in Venice, Italy, to hang a Murano glass chandelier from her honey pot.
Cinque Terre, Italy, to suspend a jar of pesto sauce from her vag.
And Barcelona, to have Cristiano Ronaldo between her legs.
Next, she’ll probably dangle a bowl of hummus from her box in Cairo, a Diptyque eucalyptus scented candle in Paris, a bottle of Lagavulin scotch in Scotland, and a pair of wooden clogs in Holland.
Well, hopefully Anami and her strong vagina have many, many more adventures together and lift all the random objects in the world, because why wouldn't they?
Meanwhile, for those of you without vaginas, please enjoy this video about how to have an "ecstatic cock." You're welcome.