It’s a Joe-Down Between Mr. Rogan and Maxim in another round of The Same 10 Questions We Always Ask Everyone!
He’s survived fighting as a mixed martial artist, hosting The Man Show, doing countless hours of stand-up comedy and the recent (almost) Mayan apocalypse. But can he get through a Maxim interview?
Photo by Brian Friedman
Your new special was filmed at The Tabernacle in Atlanta. Do you have a favorite place that you like to perform?
There are a lot of great places to perform in this country. This is a great time to be a stand-up comedian - there are a ton of great comics now and people are more aware of them because of the internet. There are more comedy fans now than any time in recent memory.
What did you think about the whole end-of-the-world thing a few weeks back?
I think it was ridiculous. If the Mayans were going to get any predictions right about the end of the world, they probably should have predicted they wouldn’t be around to see it. That idea was really an American thing though, for people who are into crop circles and conspiracy theories.
If there actually was an apocalypse, what’s making it into your bunker?
It doesn’t matter. Why hold out, dude? You don’t want to live in The Walking Dead. Fuck it. Swim out in the ocean, goes as far as you can and drown. If we were forced to cannibalism or the electricity went out for the rest of time, what kind of life would we have? Would we enjoy it?
That fear about the grid going down does seem pretty legit.
Most of us don’t even know how it’s even up.
How did you get involved with martial arts as a kid?
I was coming home from a baseball game and I stopped by this Taekwondo school where the light-heavyweight national champion just happened to be practicing. After I saw him kicking the bags and the power he had, I just wanted to do it. I became obsessed with it after that.
Did that lead you to becoming an announcer for UFC?
I had a few kickboxing fights while I was doing comedy and they were terrible. I needed to stick with one or the other so I went full-on with comedy. A producer at UFC found out I was a fan and offered me the chance to do the post-fight interviews. I was like, “Fuck yeah!”
You crack on people a lot in your act. What do people bust your balls about?
Falling asleep. I fell asleep at the movies the other day during The Life of Pi. It’s really a visually stunning movie, but after a while it’s like, “Ok, I get it. He’s stuck in a boat with a tiger.”
You were in a famous Tyrone Biggums skit on Chapelle’s Show, based around the crackhead eating elk penis, among other things. What was that like?
It was awesome, like being a part of comedy history. His show was the greatest sketch show in the history of the world. To be on it was an honor. To this day, at least once a week, I’ll get “there’s something you don’t know about me Joe Rogan, I smoke rocks” or “this isn’t the first time I’ve tasted penis.” It’s hilarious.
It’s a shame he stopped doing the show.
It’s a bummer. I don’t know what’s going on with him. I think there was a lot of pressure involved with doing the show, but man, what a show that guy put together. Clayton Bigsby, the blind racist who happens to be black but doesn’t know it, that’s the funniest bit of all time. I miss that guy.
You also hosted The Man Show for a while. What was the best thing about that?
Working with Doug Stanhope. He’s my boy. You can call Doug at any time of night and ask him to go out and eat mushrooms in the desert and he’s in. He thinks that life is one big cosmic joke, so he’s constantly laughing. Every comic that’s coming up could learn something from him.
You’re pretty active on Twitter. What do you like about it?
The way people can send you links and information so easily. If you look by yourself, you’re only going to get so far, but if you get links from people from all over the world who are stumbling upon things, you’re getting all the good shit from hundreds of thousands of people.
Podcasting is also something you do a lot of. How do you enjoy that?
Stand-up is still my favorite, but the podcast is a close second. It’s so fun and it’s given me the opportunity to have three-hour conversations with people I wouldn’t have otherwise been able to talk to. When I talked to Maynard Keenan from Tool I almost couldn’t believe it was happening.
What was the last thing you had to apologize for?
Being late for an appointment with my trainer. I guess that sounds lame but it’s the first time I’ve ever had a trainer.
What’s your favorite curse word?
Cunt. Fuck is overused. Cunt still packs a wallop. A lot of words have been taken away but I won’t let it go. It’s indefensible, like in Karate Kid when he puts his arms in the crane position.
What’s the worst hangover you’ve ever had?
I’ve had some bad ones. Once in Vegas, I drank all the shots that people kept bringing up to the stage, probably about 18. I went backstage and threw up in a barrel. The hangover the next day was like I had broken my nervous system. I wasn’t confident in how my body moved. It was bad.
What was your first car?
A 1973 Chevelle SS. It lived one day and then the engine seized. I had to bring it back.
Do you have a scar that tells a story?
On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I’ve had both knees reconstructed.
Do you have any party tricks?
Nope. I’m not a big party guy.
What’s the biggest thing you’ve ever put in your mouth?
I’ll have to say meat. Some sort of sandwich item.
What’s the one thing to remember in a fist fight?
Don’t get hit. Do whatever you got to do but don’t get hit. If you’re sure you can hit him and not get hit back, do it, but the most important thing is to not get hit.
Who was the last person to see you naked?
My two-year-old daughter.
Finish this sentence: If I ruled the world for a day, I would…
Legalize all drugs and then figure it out. It’d be much easier that way.