Every week, we send someone stumbling into the dark Maxim archives to see what we were up to way back when. This week we're going back to August of 2005, when Nicky Hilton was our favorite Heiress, Hulk Hogan didn't have a life-scarring sex tape, and we actually had land lines.
Cover Girl: Nicky Hilton
Where You've Seen Her: Our most ambitious goal in life has always been to date an heiress; with all that money we'd be assured a long life of optional employment and unnecessary possessions, like that floating hot tub we've had our eye on for years. But to date a super rich girl whose looks are just as golden as her parents' filthy fortune would obviously be even better. Enter Nicky Hilton, the less sex tape-y great-granddaughter of Conrad Hilton, and heir to his Hilton Hotel empire. While Paris's younger sister turned down acting roles and had a short stint in the modeling world, she conquered design with her fashion line and made a name for herself apart from her sister's infamously wild ways - not that there's anything wrong with that (we love night vision).
Where She Is Now: These days the heiress is nearing 30 and has still managed to steer clear of negative publicity. Keeping up her fashion line and becoming a notable figure within the industry, Nicky is currently on the market and seeking a new man. We're guessing it won't be long before she's swiped up.
Slamily Values: Incredible Hulk
If we learned anything from Hulk Hogan in the past year, it's that you should never eat before you film a sex tape (or take your bandana off). But before that damning video spread faster than the clap, the ex-wrestler was just your average reality TV dad. With that intense handlebar mustache, a hot daughter, and a hit show on VH1, Hulkamania was on the rise, and we all fell victim to its powers. But once the show ended and the family fell out of the spotlight, shit really started to hit the fan. Not only did the wrestler's son do hard time, his wife also left him for a lad nearly 30 year her junior. But let's be honest: All we'll ever be able to think of when we hear his name is that horrifying, horrifying tape.
Smart phones can do virtually everything these days, and making calls isn't even their primary function anymore. Still, regardless of our constant tweeting and fixation on beating the next level of Candy Crush, we still get calls every now and then, and we can barely remember a time when we received a call on any other device. So this guide to the best cordless phones feels about as foreign to us as a rundown on the coolest beepers. Ah, 2005 - you were adorable.
More Throwback Thursdays:
Throwback Thursday: August 2000 - Tyra Banks & Izabella Miko
Throwback Thursday: March 2003 - Brooke Burns