The Dark Knight Rises is out on Blu-ray today! Nolan’s series is known for its “realistic” take on Batman, so here are some genuine Bat-baddies for him to tangle with.
In Akron, OH, in November of 2010, a man in a clown mask robbed 70-year old Jacqueline Cutright, making off with $28 and her 1991 Ford Escort. Not a scheme worthy of the Joker per se, but wait for the punch line – the clown’s victim was sitting on the john at the time. Now that’s classic toilet humor! Brilliantly, the victim claimed that she considered “doing some ninja stuff” to fight him off, which shows she knew all too well that this was a case best suited for Batman.
Earlier this year, Shana Spalding was sentenced to ten years for robbing three stores – and not just any stores, these were fancy boutiques - in a series of disguises, one of which was a cat mask. To add to her villainous credentials, Spalding formerly performed as the lead singer of death metal band Divine Infamy, which you just know meant she was going to be a baddie. Let’s hope her prison is slightly more secure than Arkham Asylum.
In January this year, tattooed thief Carter Daniels broke into California’s Blue Lake Museum and made off with loot worth $24,500. What did this precious haul consist of? Seven Native American tribal hats! Sadly, we never found out if he was planning to use them as hypnotic devices in his pursuit of the destruction of the Dark Knight, as he was promptly arrested. Authorities are still unsure if this qualifies as a “fedora” offense.
In November 2010, in Seattle, a man described as being “mentally unstable” attacked a cyclist, knocking him off his bike. His choice of weapon? A black umbrella! Which is, uh – about where the similarity to the Penguin ends, if we’re honest. The umbrella didn’t fire stun gas or double as a getaway copter or anything, because this is real life, and awesome things like that don’t happen. We’re sad now.
The Dark Knight Rises is out today on Blu-ray.
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