Good News Stoners: Science Says Y’all Aren’t Morons
Apparently, there’s no link between weed use and low IQ. We’re going to celebrate by eating a giant sandwich and watching cartoons.
Marijuana smokers and tokers have had to suffer through an endless series of social stigmas and outright stereotypes. They’re constantly portrayed as bumbling, lightheaded boobs who do nothing but eat their weight in Funyuns and spend hours laughing at a rudely shaped coffee stain on the living room rug. Which might all be true, but… wait, what were we talking about? Was it Thundercats? We think it was Thundercats.
“Wait…I was in college? Damn…”
Anyway, the symptoms of weed use may make you appear to be just above plankton on the biological intelligence scale, but it’s not a permanent effect. Don’t believe us? Just ask science. A new study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found no causal link between prolonged marijuana use and a person’s drop in IQ. It actually calls into question a previous study that found adolescents who used pot showed a drop in their IQs over a 25-year period (the fact that the researchers were constantly inhaling second-hand pot smoke should have been a big tip). Of course, both researchers could have just looked into the annals of history for proof that the link is bunk, and used the research money to buy all the remaining Twinkies for their munchies stockpile. Some of mankind’s greatest thinkers smoked pot: William Shakespeare, Carl Sagan, Margaret Mead, both Cheech and Chong…
The truth is, of course, that pot smokers have known this for years. If pot drastically affected your IQ as much as scientists have suggested, then how could they possibly achieve superhuman feats of memory endurance, like reciting the lyrics to the Animaniacs’ Nations of the World song while giggling into a bong made out of potatoes?
Yeah… good luck getting this out of your head.