10 Things Crazier Than Giving Someone Your Number
We’re still talking about this Call Me Maybe thing, right?
Courtesy of Interscope Records
We know, we know – we only recently said that it was the parodies of Carly Rae Jepsen’s excruciating Call Me Maybe that were the really aggravating part of the song. But we’ve changed our minds again after a late-night revelation that may or may not have had anything to do with most of a bottle of scotch and a 17-hour session of Arkham City. See, the thing that’s so annoying to us is the thought that there are people out there who would genuinely consider the act of giving out their number to be “crrrrazy!” And this…this makes us sad. People of the world, let it be known that giving your number to a total stranger is possibly the least crazy thing you could ever do, and if, when you look back at your existence, you find that handing out your digits that one time really was the high point of all your wacky misadventures, then you have failed at life. Here are 10 actually crazy alternatives that would have made the song acceptable to us:
“I just met you, and this is crazy, but… I’m about to drink this entire bottle of toilet cleaner, just to see what it does. Call me an ambulance!”
“I just met you, and this is crazy, but… I’ve been sleeping in the bushes outside your house for the last six months, waiting for you to notice me. Call me needy!”
“I just met you, and this is crazy, but… I have an orbital super-satellite with a electron-pulse death ray pointed right at your heart. Call me an Evil Mastermind!”
“I just met you, and this is crazy, but… I need some help stealing a fire engine. Call me Captain!”
“I just met you, and this is crazy, but… I converted my entire apartment into a fish tank that I filled with bananas dressed as my daddy. Call me a psychiatrist!”
“I just met you, and this is crazy, but… let’s swap clothes and rob a bank together. Call me one half of the city’s newest addition to the supervillain community, The Gender Benders!”
“I just met you, and this is crazy, but… I want you to screw me over the dumpster in the alley behind this bar. Call me a dirty ho!”
“I just met you, and this is crazy, but… I hit at least two guys with my car when I arrived. Call me a lawyer!”
“I just met you, and this is crazy, but… I just single-handedly ripped off a gang of drug dealers and then jumped out a fourth-floor window. Call me Omar!”
“I just met you, and this is crazy, but… let’s run away to Panama, start a secret underground militia group and attempt to overthrow the government. Call me El Presidente!”
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